Konoha Community Service
by RubberDuckiesWhoLikePieAndCake
Summary: This is all just a bunch of super random humor oneshots. Some of them have pairings. InoShika, GaaSaku, NejiTen, KimiTayu, NaruHina, etc. Warning: a lot of these make fun of the characters so yeah!
1. Chapter 1

_**The Most Retarded Story Yet…**_

_**THE SEQUAL! Dum dum dum duuum!**_

**Prologue: you need this for the story (4 an inside joke ****)**

Naruto was eating so fast that he choked and died.

"YAY!" Everyone cheered as Hinata resurrected him.

"Oh maaan!" they all moaned.

"Hahahahaha!" Naruto laughed, "Now I will be alive to annoy you all!"

"Um…um yeah." Hinata stuttered.

Then, Neji pulled out an AK47 and shot her like 400 times.

"YAY!" Everyone cheered except for Naruto who resurrected her.

"Oh maaan!' Everyone moaned especially (the very, very, hot-EE) Neji.

"Hahahahahahaha now she will be alive to resurrect me!" Naruto laughed at them.

**Story: this is like the real and actual story; so yeah!** ****

All of the same characters from last time (not Hinata, just like Sasuke, Sakura, Gaara, Tenten, Ino, and very occasionally, Neji ) were all sitting around bored.

"Hey guys!" Naruto yelled, "let's go and…"

"No." Tenten, Sakura and Ino cut him off sharply.

"Hey, aren't you guy's going to do your share a community service?" Lee asked as he walked by carrying a full cardboard box.

"What?" Ino asked.

"You know that stuff that Gai Sensei suggested we do?"

"You actually took that seriously?" Sakura asked.

"Of course I did, Gai Sensei is the best ever!" Lee exclaimed.

"Baka!"

"Gay Wad!"

"Fag!"

"Hippie!"

(I could go on all day.)

Then, Neji appeared out of nowhere and shot him like 400 times with an AK47.

"YAY!" they all cheered.

Gai Sensei resurrected him.

"Oh maaan!" everyone moaned.

"So, what now?" Ino asked.

"You guys have to do that community service!" Gai said.

"What! We don't give a crap about the community!" Sasuke protested.

"Too bad." Gai laughed.

**Konaha Soup Kitchen**

"I didn't know Konaha had a soup kitchen." Ino stated looking around.

"I guess it does now." Sakura answered.

Gai began to make them serve bowls of soup to all of these creepy looking homeless people.

"Hey, Naruto!" Sakura shouted to him all the way across the room, "Stop eating the soup!"

"But its good!" he shouted back.

"I swear I think Lee had an accident in the pot!" she yelled

Everyone in the room stared at her in awe. And the people eating the soup spat in at the person across from them.

"Oops." Sakura sighed, feeling very small. She walked away from the counter and back to the kitchen, where the soup was being made.

"Gai Sensei!" Sakura shouted.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Lee took a pee in the soup!" she sighed.

"Well, it isn't is fault, he's only a child you know!" Gai answered.

"He's at least fifteen!" Sakura protested.

"Yes. And very adorable!"

"Puh-lease!" Sakura muttered under her breath.

"Somebody shoot Naruto!" Ino shouted from the eating-place; he was being sooo annoying to her.

"Gladly!" Neji said as he appeared with his AK47 and shot like 400 times.

Sakura ran out of the kitchen just in time to see it happen.

"YAY!" everyone cheered and Hinata appeared and resurrected him.

"Oh maaan!" they all moaned.

"Hahahahahaha!" Naruto laughed, "Now I will be alive to annoy you all!"

"Shoot Hinata!" Ino and Tenten yelled.

"She already disappeared!" Sakura told them.

"Hey, young man!" Gai shouted at Neji, "Get of that table and get working on your community service!"

Before he got a chance, Hinata came back. This time only, she was sitting in a huge army tank. Then she shot them all except for Gaara and Neji (who are the coolest here ). Then disappeared.

"Hey, Neji?" Gaara asked.

"What?"

"Why don't you shoot the homeless people, so we don't have to do community service any more."

"Ok!"

Neji shot them all.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Gai shouted, "We're supposed to be helping them!"

And then Neji shot him. Lee too.

And then Hinata resurrected Naruto.

"Hahahahahahaha! I will be alive to annoy… whoa! What happened here?"

Then Gaara killed both Hinata and Naruto with his sand.

**The end**

_This was so much fun to write so I hope you had fun reading it. Once again, this is a sequel so you might want to read the other one to. (U don't' have to). Also I might make another sequel after this to before the month is over so you might want to read that to when I'm finished writing it. I'd like to thank everybody who read it a PLEASE take the time to review._

_Thank you again,_

_EE-(initials)_


	2. Jeff Gordon's Mayonaise

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Lord Voldemort; I do, however, own several minor OOC characters.

Please review when you're done, I know this is kinda soon but please! And thank you to everyone who reviewed! No seriously. I love you guys! (Metaphorically, not literally!)

_Story:_

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! We're going on a plane ride! We're going on a plane ride!" Naruto chanted over and over again as he skipped through the metal detector.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

"Um, sir what do you have in your pockets?" the guard asked.

"Nothing all that bad, just these six inch knives."

"You won't be aloud on the plane with those, so I'll have to confiscate them."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Naruto shouted in slowmo.

"Keep moving!" Sakura yelled angrily from behind.

"Not my knives!"

Sakura pushed past Naruto and on to grab her luggage. Once they were all on the plane they realized that they were on one. All around them were guys in cloaks and masks.

"Is this plane really going to Bora Bora? Ino asked.

Nobody answered her.

"They are probably a cult group or something." Tenten assured her.

Three hours later

Suddenly, the sound of loud bangs and explosions appeared.

"What's happening?" Sakura asked covering her ears.

"Are. You. Afraid?" An icy cold voice asked.

"Excuse me?" Sakura asked and looked up.

"I SAID, ARE YOU AFRAID!" A man in a black cloak with pale white skin and snakelike eyes screamed at her.

"This guy creeps me out!" Sakura said to Tenten and Ino.

Suddenly a biggest explosion yet sounded.

"Death Eaters, Jump!"

One by one they all jumped out.

Then, both Lee and Gai grabbed Para shoots and jumped out holding hands.

"What's Gai doing here?" Asked Sakura.

"Lee never goes anywhere without Gai." Tenten said.

Then with another explosion both pilots ran out of the cockpit and jumped out.

"What the hell?" the hooded man yelled, running to drive the plane.

Everyone followed.

"Where are we going?" Ino asked.

"Where are we right now?" Tenten asked, once again more wisely.

"What? You guys didn't' jump? You cowards!"

"We were supposed to jump?" Sakura asked.

"Where's your training?"

"Huh? Is the next stop Bora Bora?" Ino asked.

"Yeah, because we are going there for vacation." Tenten told him.

"You all are muggles?"

"Um, yeah I guess." Naruto said.

"Uh oh, we're out of gas!"

Then they crash-landed on an island. When they all got out, they saw a guy holding a jar of mayonnaise.

"Welcome to Mayonnaise Island! Where we only eat Jeff Gordon's Mayonnaise!"

"Is that even a mayonnaise brand?" Ino asked.

"I don't know! It is here!"

Then he began spooning it into Gaara's mouth and Gaara killed him with his sand.

As Gaara was spitting it all out the others ditched him to go look around. Only Temari stayed.

(A/N: I can just picture Gaara spitting mayonnaise out of his mouth. lolz)

"Who are you?" Ino practically yelled as they tromped through the thick forestry on the island.

"My name…is Lord Voldemort!" he said dramatically and struck a pose.

"Who?" Naruto asked.

"Crucio!" Voldemort yelled and pulled out a wooden stick.

Naruto crumpled to they ground in pain.

'I need to learn how to do that!' Sasuke thought to himself.

"Mwahahahahahahahaha! Imperio!" he yelled using is stick again this time on everybody not just on Naruto.

(A/N: Voldemort is using the Impirius Curse on the characters.)

"Now, you will all call me 'My Lord' and do whatever I say…"

"C'mon, Gaara, let's find everyone else." Temari yelled behind her as she hiked through a particularly rocky end of the beach with Gaara silently following.

"Hn." Was his only response.

After about five minutes Temari saw a figure on the horizon, it was so small that she could close one eye and fit the figure between her thumb and pointer finger, them being less than three millimeters apart.

She squinted but could not make out whom the figure was. Unfortunately for Temari the sun was shining from that same direction, making it nearly impossible to see. Temari nodded to herself curtly and widened her stride.

"Hurry." She said turning her head to look at her little brother.

"…."

Let's just say she was used to answers like that by now.

About two minutes later, Temari saw that it was the pink haired girl called Sakura. She stood with her back turned to Temari and Gaara.

"Hey!" Temari called, "Where is everyone else?"

No response.

'She can't hear me, we're too far away.' Temari thought.

Temari ran up to her and called her name.

Now standing feet away from her, she still had not moved.

"Sakura!" Temari tried one more time.

Nothing.

Temari rested her hand on her shoulder, "Sakura?" She whispered into her left ear..

Sakura's head whipped around. Temari gasped when she saw her eyes. They were wide and colorless, they had no emotion whatsoever.

"Die…" Sakura mumbled.

Before she could raise her kunai, the hooded man interrupted her.

"Stop now, Sakura."

Sakura immediately ceased.

"Sakura, why are you listening to him?" Temari almost yelled.

"This is why: Imperio!" He said raising a stick. And they all became Death Eaters.

The End

_Yeah, I know it's retarded, but please be nice and review. Flames will be used to roast my little sister alive! (I swear she is EVIL, The reincarnation of the Satan!)_

_Review Please! It's all I will ever ask of you for the rest of your natural lives!_

_-EE -(initials)_

_P.S: Domo Arigato (thanks in Japanese!)_

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	3. The Evil Hamster Part 1

**The Most Retarded Story Yet Sequel 3**

**(No Prologue this time. Also, you might have realized it too, but in the last sequel I killed all of my characters without realizing it. So pretend everyone is suddenly alive again. Kay? ) **

_The Evil Hamster Part One_

Sakura and Ino were fighting over Sasuke one day when they saw a fuzzy brown hamster sitting in the grass all alone.

"Ohhhhh, he is soooo CUTE!" Sakura exclaimed picking him up.

Ino just rolled her eyes at her though.

"What should we name him?" Sakura asked as though they were not just arguing.

"Omigosh, look at Neji!" Ino shout and pointed at Neji.

"He's like, gangster." Sakura added.

"Yo, yo, yo, yo! Peoples what's up? Fizzle!" Neji said throw gang signs.

"Neji?" Tenten screamed, "Is that you?"

"No, I'm now Gangsta-Neji!" Neji said throwing a couple more gang signs.

"Yea me and my home fry, Gangsta-Neji went gangsta!" Lee said trying to throw a gang sign.

"I am not your home fry, Lee." Neji said, not gangster.

Just then, Hinata appeared and struck a pose. She was wearing all black clothes.

"Hinata!" Naruto screamed, "Is that you?"

"Yes, but I have joined the Matrix." She said and did the Matrix.

Neji pulled his gun out of in pocket and pointed it at Naruto and shot it. (Holding it the sideways like a gangster)

"Yay!" Everyone except Hinata yelled.

Hinata, Pulled out her gun and shot Neji. (Not holding it gangster)

"Noooooooooooooooooo!" Tenten yelled.

Then, Hinata resurrected Naruto.

"Aw man!" everyone else moaned.

"Ha, now I can annoy you all!" Naruto said.

And in that time Tenten had resurrected Neji.

(Ok, moving on, this is getting dumb)

On with the story!

"Hinata, Why did you join the Matrix?" Naruto asked.

"They asked me too, besides, my name isn't Hinata any more, and it's Hi-Neo. (If you have seen the Matrix you will get this joke.)

"Ok then."

Just then, the hamster from before jumped out of Sakura's hands and bit Sasuke. (Nowhere in particular)

"Ow! That hurt! I'll kill that damn hamster thing!" He shouted and clutched the spot where he had been bitten. (Once again nowhere in particular, but I'm not perverted just so you know.)

But the hamster had run away.

(Damn, Sasuke get bitten to friggen much! **Joke**!)

After that Sasuke turned bright pink and looked like some crazed dude.

"Dude! What's with him?" Neji asked sounding like a drunken teenager. (Extra joke, watch REAL NINJAS at I don't know who made the video though)

Then he started to attack Sakura. And she died. (She's a wimp)

"Yes!" shouted Ino, "Now I have Sasuke all to myself!"

"Yeah, except for the minor drawback that he has gone completely insane!" Tenten shouted at her.

"So what? He'll snap out of it eventually."

**At the Konaha Soup Kitchen**

"Great! What are we doing here again?" Neji asked.

Then Gai saw them.

"Oh, good you came back to do community service."

"For the last friggen time," Neji said, "We are not doing your community service."

Gai opened his mouth to say something but Neji had all ready shot him 400 times.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lee screamed and ran over to Gai's body.

"Gai Sensei!" he cried.

"Loser!" Neji said.

Let's go." Tenten suggested.

(Moving on again)

"OK people," Ino stated, "We have to turn Sasuke back."

"Why do we care about Sasuke?" Tenten asked.

"Because he's smart, cute, and cool, that's why!"

"Fine!" Tenten said.

"Hey guys." Shikamaru said like a geek, "I built a tracking device for the hamster."

"Since when were you a science geek?" Ino asked him.

"Since Neji went gangster." He answered.

_o.O I Know I know! Retarded, Teeheeheeheeheee!_

_Y'all are just jealous you're not as exceptionally mentally insane as I am. Ha, ha, just kidding! Mlah!_

_Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha _

_Cya, _

_-Hyper EE –(initials)_

_P.s. Neer neer ne neer can't touch this! –(I love this song!)_


	4. The Hunt For Temari

**Disclaimer: I seriously doubt that whoever owns Naruto writes fanfics.**

_The Hunt For Temari_

_Beep, beep, beep_

"Mlah!" Naruto moaned and slapped the 'off' button. Sweat covered his face. Untangling himself from the sheets he got up and checked the thermometer by his window.

"90 frigg'n degrees?" he shouted, "It's only seven-thirty! We'll all die by noon!"

_Sakura's House_

"So, hot, so, damn, hot." Sakura panted combing her bright pink hair.

She looked at her clock and saw that it was practically 7:45

'Oh, I'll be late for school!' she thought frantically and collected her books and ran out the door.

_School (lunch time)_

"Today is so HOT!" exclaimed Tenten fanning herself.

"Why is it this humid?" Sakura asked.

Tenten, Sakura, Hinata, Ino, Naruto, Sasuke, Shikamaru, Neji, Gaara and Kankuro all sat at a table by the back of the school with the rest of the 9th and 10th grade.

"It's sunny too!" Tenten said laughing.

"I hate the sun!" Ino screamed, "The sun is SHIT!"

Even Sasuke's fan girls went silent and stared at her for a couple seconds.

"Sheesh, Ino!" Sakura said wide-eyed.

"Troublesome heat!" Shikamaru grumbled unhappily.

"Hey, You guys!" Kankuro said suddenly, I have an idea!"

"Oh yeah?" Sasuke asked, "What?"

"We are all dying of heat right?"

"Yeah." Sakura and Tenten said together.

"So let's go find Temari and she can make wind with her fan!"

"Hey, I can't think of anything better." Naruto said jumping to his feet.

"When do she and the rest of the juniors eat lunch?" Sakura asked.

"Juniors and seniors eat after us but she skipped today." Kankuro explained.

"She skipped school?" Sakura screamed.

"Uh, yeah."

"We have to go find her!" Ino declared and she jumped to her feet beside Naruto.

"Let's go!" Tenten said getting up and pulling Neji off the ground.

_Konaha_

"Where the HELL is she?" Ino demanded stomping in front of the group.

"Well, she's not at the make-up store so…" Kankuro began.

"Is that where you and Gaara buy all of your face make-up?" Sakura asked curiously.

"For the last time I DON"T WEAR EYE-LINER!" Gaara yelled at her.

They all looked at Kankuro…

"What? I don't wear a lot!" he protested.

"Sure."

They all continued walking when suddenly…

"THERE SHE IS!" Naruto screamed pointing at a blonde girl mixed into the crowd.

Unfortunately for them, Temari thought that they were shopkeepers trying to catch her because she had just shoplifted from a store down the street so she took of in the blink of an eye.

"SHIT!" Ino yelled at the top of her voice.

"Troublesome." Shikamaru agreed.

Then they realized that everyone else was already chasing her so they ran to catch up.

_With Temari_

Temari darted through the crowd, dodging opposite traffic with extreme ease.

How did she get caught, she never had been before. Maybe she was losing her touch.

That's when the thought hit her that maybe they knew she was skipping school too!

She quickened her pace.

_Back with Kankuro, Tenten, Sakura, Gaara, and so on..._

"Temari, stop!" Gaara yelled. He was starting to get tired. **_(A/N: Who wouldn't with that huge gourd of sand on their back?)_**

_Bach with Temari again…_

Eventually, she ran straight into a dead end.

"Crap!" she cursed kicking the wall that kept her from escaping, "Now I'll get sued by the shop person AND the school!"

"We're not going to sue you, Temari." Gaara told her as he and everyone else suddenly appeared behind her.

Temari had never been so glad to see her brothers' friends in her life. She leapt up and punched the air and then hugged all of them.

"Thank you, THANK you!" Temari exclaimed.

"What's up with you?" Kankuro asked taking note to her very strange behavior.

So she explained her shoplifting story and they all sweat-dropped.

"So why do you guys need me again?" Temari asked cheerfully.

"You know how it's so hot out?" Gaara asked.

"Yeah." She answered slowly.

"Well, we were wondering if you could make some wind with your fan." Gaara finished looking hopefully at his older sister.

Temari sweat-dropped.

"Who the hell came up with THAT plan?" she shouted at them.

They all looked at Kankuro and Naruto.

"Should've known." she said gravely.

"So what do you say?" Naruto asked.

Temari whacked his head with her fan.

_Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Yeah very random, but I seriously had a dream exactly like this so I decided to see if people liked it as a humor-story. Also, I'm not done with The Evil Hamster Part 2 so that will likely be the next chapter. Well PLEASE REVIEW!_

_-EE- (initials)_


	5. The Evil Hamster Part 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own any character's appearing in this story, not one!**

**AN: I'm so sorry for the side story right in the middle of part 1 and 2.**

_The Evil Hamster Part 2_

"And exactly WHAT does this tracking device do?" Ino asked Shikamaru angrily.

"Well, It tracks things I suppose, but I never tested that theory." Shikamaru replied.

"THAT"S FOR DAMN SURE!" she screamed in frustration.

"Ino, mellow out!" Tenten hissed.

They were in the middle of a desert supposedly finding Sasuke.

"I'm starting to not care what happens to Sasuke!"

Neji blinked, Tenten blinked, Shikamaru blinked twice, and Naruto wasn't paying strict attention to begin with.

"Wait, what am I saying? I'LL SAVE YOU SASUKE-KUN!" Ino yelled and stuck a pose worthy of Lee and Gai.

"That was a bit to good to be true." Tenten muttered.

"Okay if he is posesed by a hamster, where do hamster's go ofr fun?" Ino asked everyone in general.

"Petsmart?" suggested Temari.

"THAT"S IT!" Ino shouted and ran off to the closest Petsmart. (AN: Yes, there is just a Petsmart in the middle of the desert.)

They all followed her to see…

THE HAMSTER!

He was standing on the top of a shelf evil laughing.

"MWahahahahahahah!"

"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HOVE YOU DONE WITH SASUKE-KUN!" Ino shouted and pointed an accusatory fringer at the hamster.

"Uh, Ino, Hamsters can't talk." Tenten said.

"THERE HE IS!" Naruto screamed and pointed at Sasuke who just appeared in this scene.

"SASUKE-KUN!" Ino ran over to him and threw her arms around him.

He instantly killed her.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Naruto screamed running in circles.

"Oh my god!" Tenten shrieked and started hyper-ventilating.

Neji started singing a random rap song, the hamster and Sasuke were laughing evily, and Hinata burst into tears.

And while all of this was going on the sand siblings were just standing and staring at the freak-konaha ninjas.

Taking their leave Temari whistled in amazement when they saw 5 cop cars, 3 tanks, and the entire S.W.A.T team with helicopters right outside the Petsmart.

"Freeze!" a guy yelled through a megaphone, "Put you're hands on your head and take five steps back!"

They did as told.

Then three policemen came and handcuffed them.

"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say, can and will be used against you in the court of law." One said in a bored tone.

"Um, mister," Temari asked, "Why are we under arrest?"

"Uh…" the man flipped through some papers. "Gaara of the desert for identity theft."

"GAARA, YOU STOLE SOMEONE'S INENTITY?" Kanurou and Temari both screamed at their little brother.

"Maybe…' he said trying not to look his siblings in the eye.

"WHO'S?" they both screamed in unison again.

"Save it for the jury, punk." The cop said as Gaara opened his mouth to talk.

So the sand sibs were arrested.

_End_

**Yes, I know that this chapter was OOC, dumb, horribly written. And made no sense at some points, so I won't ask you not to flame.**

**Ja ne!**


	6. Shino's Glasses

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, I don't own Naruto or any anime in general. One day maybe…(yeah friggen right.)**

**AN: Once again I am sorry that I put a random side story in the middle of The Evil Hamster Part 1 and 2. Sorry!**

_Shino's Glasses…_

Hinata, Kiba, and Shino were at their usual training spot, and everything was pretty normal. Kiba was talking endlessly about Akamaru and how she is scared of cats, Hinata blushing for no apparent reason, and Shino just kind of standing there being Shino.

Then Kurenai appears out of the trees. (Yes, just randomly walks into the scene.)

"Kiba, shut up, I have something to say!" she snapped at the lack of attention she was getting from her student.

"I have a mission for the three of you. You must go deep into the Sawabi forest until such time as you can figure out why I sent you there. Understand?" she continued.

"Hai." Hinata and Shino said together.

"Well, I guess." Kiba said after a while.

"Good, now go." Kuranai said simply and left.

"We have to go into a forest until we figure out why she sent us there?' Kiba shrieked as soon as she was gone.

"W-well that's w-what Kuranai-s-senei said." Hinata said.

"Kiba, you're such a baka, she's trying to get rid of us for a while." Shino said, eyebrow twitching.

"Well, she should have thought of that before she became a jounin and would be dumped with baka genin's like us." Kiba protested.

"You mean baka genin's like you." Shino stated.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kiba asked defensively.

"That Hinata and I are not baka's!"

"OK!" Kiba shouted at Shino, "Maybe Hinata isn't a baka, but YOU are an EXCEPTION!"

"YOU, ARE THE MOST PARANIOD FREAK…"

"Are we f-forgetting about the mission K-kuranai-sensei gave us?" Hinata cut in.

They both look at her and then at each other.

"Fine! I'll admit defeat for today, but this is not over, bug creepiod!" Kiba shouted jabbing his finger at Shino.

"Whatever."

_Sawabi Forest_

"Now what?" Kiba asked randomly.

The trio was standing in the middle of a dark, deep forest looking around at the scenery and at themselves. Hinata took this moment to take a deep breath.

'_Omigosh_,' she thought, '_Kiba and Shino aren't arguing_.'

"The mission, baka, that's WHAT!" Shino snapped at him.

"And just HOW do you suppose we do that? Bet your bugs can't tell us THAT ONE!" Kiba yelled.

Hinata internally slapped herself, '_I knew it was too good to be true.'_

"Now th-think, why would K-kurenai-sensei send us h-here?" Hinata asked trying to be helpful unlike her teammates.

"To get rid of us." Shino stated.

"Ok, now that that's figured out let's go back." Kiba said and turned to go but Shino caught his sleeve.

"WHAT?" Kiba yelled shaking Shino's hand of his sleeve.

"Fine, go tell her that for a reason, Hinata and I won't back you up when she sighs and says you are the most clueless shinobi alive, because we will be AGREEING WITH HER!" Shino said and they could tell he was glaring under his sunglasses.

"O-of course do get rid of u-us, she is a-always trying to g-get rid of us, b-but why, is what Sh-shino-san means." Hinata said and Shino just nodded.

"Oh." Kiba said feeling _slightly_ stupid, and used Akamaru to shield his face.

"Leave it to Kiba to hide behind his dog." Shino remarked.

"Shut up." Kiba said between his teeth.

"Y-you guys it's g-getting dark." Hinata noticed at loud.

Kiba yawned, "Let's figure this out tomorrow."

Shino nodded and they laid down on the ground to sleep.

_Around Midnight…_

Kiba awoke suddenly from a dream where he and Akamaru were being chased by a group of cats. He shivered recalling the dream. Shino was there too, he was laughing at Kiba and Akamaru, saying that bugs and cats have united.

Kiba looked over at Shino, he was fast asleep.

'_And wouldn't notice if I did something to him.'_ He thought excitedly.

He thought of the perfect prank for Shino.

"Psst, Hinata." He whispered shaking her awake. (Kiba is between Shino and Hinata.)

"Wha.." she mumbled opening her pearl-white eyes.

"Hinata-chan, help me steal Shino's glasses." Kiba whispered.

"Okay," Hinata giggled. Shino always wore the same dark sunglasses and even thought she knew him for almost three years, she had NEVER seen his eyes.

"I wonder what color his eyes are." Kiba laughed.

"Ooooh, I bet they're gray." Hinata giggled at the mental image.

"Ok, see them, in his hand?" Kiba asked pointing at their sleeping teamate's hand.

"Y-yeah." Hinata said gleefully.

Kiba reached over and tried to pull the glasses out of the sleeping Shino's fist.

"He's got a good grip on these." Kiba said with a strained voice.

Shino rolled on his other side and let out a moan.

"Kiba!" Hinata hissed, "Let go!"

Kiba instantly obeyed.

"Okay, how about I open his h-hand and you get the g-glasses."

Kiba nodded and watched as his teammate pryed open Shino's hand. Hinata gave Shino a short nod and he reached and grabbed the sunglasses.

"YES!" Kiba shouted with glee, "I WAITED FOR THIS MOMMENT FOR YEARS, AND NOW I'LL GET REVENGE FOR YESTERDAY, AND SEE HIS EYES!"

"K-Kiba-kun?" Hinata muttered.

"Yeah, Hinata-chan what is it?"

"That was a b-bit loud."

Shino was sitting up, feeling around for his stolen glasses.

"It's no use Shino-chan, I have your glasses and I WON"T give them back!" Kiba shouted happily.

Hinata looked closely at Shino's uncovered eyes and saw that it was so dark out she couldn't make out what color they were or what he really looked like without his glasses.

Kiba noticed this too.

"Hinata, shine the flashlight on him!"

"No, Hinata-chan, don't!" Shino shouted.

"Do it!"

"NUUUUUUUU!"

"Um. I d-didn't bring a flashlight."

"NUUUUUUUUU!" this time it was Kiba's turn to scream.

"Ha!" Shino laughed happily, this was a close call.

"Yeah, well…" Kiba took the glasses in his hands and snapped them in half.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" Shino screamed falling over the remains of his broken sunglasses.

"Now, when it gets lighter we'll all see your eyes!" Kiba laughed triumphantly.

"NUUUUUUUUUUU! I hate you Kiba!" Shino shouted.

"THAT WILL TEACH YOU NOT TO JOIN FORCES WITH CATS!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Shino yelled back in confusion.

"Um, K-Kiba-kun, what _are_ y-you talking a-about?" Hinata asked.

"NOTHING, IT WAS A DREAM!"

"What happens in Kiba's dreams, should STAY in Kiba's dreams." Shino said shaking his head.

Hinata nodded in agreement.

_End_

**Reviews would be nice!**


	7. HURRAY FOR TEAM GAI!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, never did, never will.**

**AN: I love you guys soooooooo much. I would be deep in a depression with out you.**

_Prologue…_

Tenten and Neji were training their usual spot. Just then a kunai whizzed by Neji, narrowly missing him, but it did take a few strands of his hair out.

"MY HAIR!" Neji screamed clutching his head.

Tenten looked at where the kunai was thrown from and lifted one of her own.

Then a shuriken came out of nowhere, but Neji was ready this time.

"Your aim sucks so you know." Tenten said loudly.

"What did you say about me, little girl?" a voice said.

A sound nin leap out of a tree and into a fighting stance. It was a boy about nineteen, with longish black hair and forest green eyes.

"We'll see just how good your aim is." Another voice said, this one, a female's.

A second sound nin leaped from the tree. She was about the boy's age with the same black hair and green eyes.

"I'm Kage and that's my sister, Shin, we're the powerful, Sound, twin duo."

"Get a life!" Tenten snorted as she and Neji both fell into a fighting stance.

So it began.

_Hurray For Team Gai!_

Tenten's face was red with anger. She was sitting on the ground, scratched up pretty badly. Neji was leaning against a tree, arms crossed and doing the smirk we all know and love.

For the past ten minutes after the fight, Neji had done nothing but lecture Tenten about why the sound nin, Kage had beaten her so easily.

"Wipe that smirk off your face, Neji!" Tenten snapped.

His smirk widened and Tenten growled in frustration.

Just then Lee came. **(Yeah, he just appeared randomly.)**

"Tenten-chan!" he cried, "What happened to you?"

"Nothing!" she snapped.

"You mean no sound nins called the evil twin posse or whatever it was came and beat the shit out of you." Neji corrected.

"Shut up, you white-eyed freak!" Tenten snarled.

Lee, terrified of Tenten, hid behind Itachi, who for some reason was there.

"Who the hell are you?" Tenten asked rudely, forgetting all about Neji, for a while.

"I am…" he began dramaticly.

"ITACHI!" but whoever yelled it was not Itachi. In fact it was none other than the younger Uchiha, Sasuke.

"Shit, you're here too?" Itachi groaned, "You're so annoying."

"Both of you get OUT of here!" I yelled stepping into the scene.

"Why should I listen to a pathetic little girl like you?" Itachi asked me.

"How the hell should I know?" I protested, only for him to use his sharingan on me.

"Please don't huurrt meeeeee!" I wailed, begging him.

"Stupid brat, you're not even worth killing." He said and unacctivated his sharingan.

"Hey!" Sasuke shouted, "That's what you said to me six years ago!"

"Hey," I shouted, "Don't compare me to him!"

"I'll do what I want to, since no one here has the strength to beat me." Itachi laughed evily.

"Jeez, I feel sorry for you, Sasuke." I said sorrowfuly.

He nodded.

"Yeah? Well, this is my story so I get to say what happens without a control freak like you!" I shouted at Itachi.

"Whatever, I have better things to be doing than argue with pathetic weaklings like you and my brother." Itachi said.

"Hey!" Sasuke and I shouted.

"What about them?" I asked pointing to Lee, Tenten and Neji.

"I don't even know them." Itachi told me.

"Good bye weaklings!" he called and disappeared.

"I'm gonna kill you!" Sasuke shouted and disappeared after Itachi.

I screamed in frusteration and Neji, Lee, and Tenten looked at me like this: O.O

"Damn that Uchiha!" I shouted and walked away.

"Who is that girl?" Tenten asked.

"Just some local freak." Neji answered.

"I heard that!" I shouted from somewhere a few yards off.

"Well you are." Neji said.

"I hate you guys!" I screamed and ran away.

"I'm tired." Tenten said, "I think I'll go home."

She tried to stand but fell back down.

"My ankle." She gasped in pain.

Without a word Neji walked over to her and picked her up bridal style.

Tenten blushed but didn't protest.

Neji carried her all the way to her house.

He put her down and she stood on her good foot.

"Thanks." She said losing her balance and Neji caught her before she fell.

His face was so close to her's before she knew it he kissed her.

Lee turned around and saw this. And did the only sensible thing.

"Hurray for Team Gai!" he shouted attracting everyone else's attention.

Stupid Lee.

_End_

**PLEASE REVIEW! I BEG OF YOU!**


	8. Itachi's Grudge

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN NARUTO I'M JUST A WANNA-BE WRITER!**

**AN: lolz this is just a random oneshot thing that I just thought of.**

_Itachi's Gudge_

One day, the whole Naruto gang was doing Dance, Dance, Revolution, in Neji's basement, when they heard Hanabi laughing and a slurping sound.

Neji and Tenten ran upstairs to see Hanabi, Konohamaru, and Itachi sitting in a circle drinking the Kool-aid out of the Kool-aid guy.

"Ohhhhhhhh yeeeeeeaaaaahhhhh." He moaned.

"I always thought it was sick how he said that." Hanabi said.

Konohamaru and Itachi nodded and slurped some more Kool-aid.

"You guys murdered the Kool-aid guy!" Tenten screamed.

"That's not cool." Neji said and he snapped his fingers as he said cool and sounded a lot like a jazz singer.

Just then the Cheerois honey bee came buzzing in.

"Hello, my rival in business." Itachi said solemnly.

"How is he your rival in business?" Tenten asked.

"Didn't you hear? There's a new cereal all about me." He said and held up a cereal box that said in bold letters: **ITACHI-O'S **and it had a picture of Itachi smirking with his sharingan activated, and his arms crossed over his chest with a colorful background.

"Okay then, let's have a fight for whose cereal is better!" Buzz (**cheerio's bee**) said.

"You're on!" Itachi shouted.

Then Genma appeared and they both took a fighting stance.

"Begin!" Genma shouted and stepped back to let them fight.

"Hey!" Neji shouted, "Can we not do this in my house?" But everyone ignored him.

Itachi ran at Buzz only to get stuck in a wad of honey.

"Ha!" Buzz laughed, "It seems you have fallen into my deadly honey-wad trap!"

"GO BUZZ!" Sasuke shouted as he appeared there.

"Sasuke!" Itachi gasped, "How could you favor a fictional-logo bee over your own brother?"

"Hey, I like Cheerios its' not my fault!" he admitted.

"OUT OF MY HOUSE!"" Neji screamed and shoved them all out.

Then they rest of the Naruto gang came upstairs to see an enraged Neji, laughing Tenten, and a confused Hanabi.

"_Subway"_

"I didn't know Subway also had a bar, casino, and a dance floor." Tenten said.

They were all at "Subway" and drank a lot of liquor.

Suddenly Gaara jumped on to the stage (**where some local heavy-metal band was playing**) and started dancing.

"GAARA! GAARA, GAARA, GAARA!" Everyone chanted as he continued to dance.

Then the Lucky Charms leprechaun came out of no where. He was all bandaged up with a black eye and several teeth missing.

"Man, the Lucky Charms must not be very lucky, you look like shit." Temari said.

"Orchimaru beat me up, but I'm working for him now."

"DIE!" Itachi screamed as he jumped at Lucky.

"Oh, you're already beat up." Itachi said blushing. (**Take a moment to laugh at the mental image, lolz**)

"I think Itachi is having cereal-competition issues." Tenten whispered to Neji.

Then, out of the corner of their eye they saw Sasuke and Naruto sneaking away, their arms carried several boxes of Lucky Charms.

"Oh, no!" Lucky screamed, "My Lucky Charms!"

Then the window crashed and a pair of Transformers (**You know, the action figures?**)

"Transformers-Megaron!" One yelled.

"Wait a minute, we're already transformed!" the other shouted.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" they screamed and ran away for fear of getting cancer.

Then they had to leave because Gaara got thrown out for stage diving, but not before Itachi killed the coco puff's bird and Tony the Tiger.

"Oooooooooohhhhhhhh yeeeeeeaaaaaahh." The Kool-aid guy moaned still on Neji's floor, deluded of all Kool-aid after Hanabi, Konohamaru, and Itachi drank it all.

_End_

**Hahahahaha! Hope you liked it, once again this was just a random thought tell me if it's a good random thought and review!**


	9. Sasuke's Horrible Life

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN NARUTO! –Hides in corner-**

**A/N: Hiya readers thanks for the reviews, PLEASE REVIEW THIS!**

_Sasuke's Horrible Life_

_Itachi-12_

_Sasuke-6_

"Nii-san!" a six-year-old Sasuke yelled, "Look, I'm Peter-Pan!"

Sasuke had a pan placed over his head and was running around their kitchen with out stretched arms as if to fly.

Itachi said nothing but just rolled his eyes.

FLOMP

Sasuke ran straight into a wall and fell on his back.

"Ow, ow, broken arm!" Sasuke moaned.

Then, Itachi, picks up Sasuke and…

SLAM

He threw Sasuke head first into a trashcan.

"Ow, nii-san!" Sasuke wailed.

Itachi sniggered and walked away.

"Pull me out of here, nii-san!"

"I'm busy."

Sasuke began to sob and Itachi just laughed.

_Itachi-13_

_Sasuke-7_

It was Sasuke's 7th birthday and he was playing in his new blow-up pool.

Then, Sasuke got an idea.

"Watch this, nii-san!" Sasuke yelled and climbed up on the roof.

Itachi put down his book, "What?" he asked in a bored tone.

Sasuke dove, head first of the roof, but instead of landing in the 8-inch pool **(A/N: Bad idea, Sasuke!) **he landed in the trashcan next to it.

"Help me out, nii-san!" Sasuke screamed.

Itachi rolled his eyes. And instead of pulling Sasuke out, he lifted the trashcan and threw it a good 9 feet and it continued rolling down a huge hill in their backyard.

"AHhhhhh!" Sasuke yelled from the bouncing and rolling trashcan, "Help!"

CRASH

Sasuke's trashcan ran into three other trashcans and knocked them all over and crashed into the fence at the bottom.

"Owwwwwwwwwwwwwww." He moaned.

Itachi laughed and went inside.

_Itachi-14_

_Sasuke-8_

Itachi and his friend were hanging out in his room **(A/N: Creepy, a teenaged Kisame!)** like normal when…

TAP TAP TAP

Sasuke was sitting in the tree by the window, waving.

Kisame laughed, but Itachi only rolled his eyes.

"Nii-san!" they could hear Sasuke yell through the glass, "I climbed up here by myself!"

Then, Sasuke lost his balance and fell through the glass window.

Kisame laughed harder and Itachi glared at his brother.

He whispered something to Kisame and they both smirked.

From down the street, you could here Sasuke screaming "No, nii-san, please stop!" And Itachi and Kisame laughing.

15 minutes later Sasuke was striped of his clothes and hanging by his boxers in the highest branch of the same tree.

"Get me down, nii-san, please!" he yelled, "Ow, ow, wedgie!"

Itachi and Kisame laughed as the branch snapped and Sasuke fell into a trashcan.

_Itachi-15_

_Sasuke-9_

It was the first night of summer and Sasuke was out of school until fall.

At about seven o'clock, Itachi went into Sasuke's room and woke him up.

"Time for school, Sasuke-chan." He said, trying not to laugh.

But gullible Sasuke didn't even notice.

"But isn't it summer?" he asked and yawns.

"No, silly, you slept through the whole summer." Itachi said holding his hand over his mouth so he wouldn't laugh.

"Really?"

"Yep."

"You're not lying?"

"Nope."

"Honestly?"

"Would I lie to my sweet baby brother?"

(**A/N: YES) **"I guess not."

Sasuke got dressed, ate breakfast, and ran to the academy. Why were the doors locked?

"OPEN STUPID DOORS!" he yelled and yanked harder.

"Sasuke?" a voice asked, "What are you doing here?"

It was Iruka.

"I'm here for school, Iruka-sensei." Sasuke replied.

"Sasuke," he raised his eyebrows, "Yesterday was the last day."

"ITACHI!" Sasuke shouted, "I'M GONNA KILL THAT BASTARD!"

Iruka watched as the young Uchiha ran back down the street.

Back at Itachi and Sasuke's house, Sasuke ripped the door open and stumbled in the house.

He was completely scratched up and his clothes torn because while he was running home, we tripped over 5 rocks, 3 branches, and Kiba. Also, Kisame had thrown him in several trashcans and gave him 2 wedgies on the way too.

"ITACHI YOU LIED!" he shouted.

Itachi walked out of the kitchen to see his pissed off bro.

"So?" he laughed, "You actually believed me."

Sasuke ran at Itachi as if to attack him but ran into a trashcan and flipped head first into it.

"Ahhhh! Nii-san!"

"I'm going to go get a sandwich." Itachi said and walked back into the kitchen.

**(A/N: Yummy sandwich) **

_End_

**Please Review, PLEASE!**


	10. Sasuke's Dream

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto…blah, blah, blah! Just read and review this okay?**

**A/N: Yes, another Sasuke / Itachi oneshot (No, not romantically, you know what I mean), if you don't like it, flame, I really don't care.**

_Sasuke's Dream..._

Once upon a time**, (ARRGH! THIS IS NOT A FAIRYTALE!)** Something poked Sasuke in the middle of his back, something sharp. He cringed in pain. He was seated in physics class, taught by Hatake Kakashi.

"Jeez, what?" he hissed and whirled his head around to see behind him.

It was Haruno Sakura, the pretty, usually friendly, and not to mention, the only 10th grader in their class with pastel pink hair. The odd- haired girl sat directly behind, him, Sasuke thought Kakashi had done that just to torture him. He never liked Sasuke that much. She smiled sweetly, luminescent, green eyes sparkling. He had known Sakura a long time, long enough to know that, that smile and sparkling of eyes meant that she was going to ask him a favor. The Uchiha cringed as he remembered the last time, his wide fore-headed friend asked him a 'small' favor. **(Lolz, mental image. XD)**.

"Sasuke?" she whispered frowning and waving her head in front of his face, "Uchiha Sasuke are you deaf?"

"Calm down, I was just thinking, okay?" he whispered grabbing the hand she was waving, "Now what do you _want_?" he put emphasis on the word, want.

"Sheesh, Uchiha, I was just going to ask you if you wanted to sleep over at my house with me and Naruto, tonight." She whispered, "But if you're to _cool_ for that then don't come."

Her vivid green eyes seemed to glare right through him. '_Come or else_' they said.

"No!" he whispered glaring back, "now leave me alone!"

"Is he coming?" Naruto whispered, two seats over from Sakura.

"No." she said glaring at Sasuke, "He's too cool for us now!"

"Bastard!" Naruto said a little to loud.

"Uzamaki, Miss Haruno, kindly let me continue about your partial physics project due tomorrow."

"WHAT!" Naruto and Sakura shouted and frantically tried to gather the scattered papers on their desks.

"You two did not know?" Kakashi asked raising his visible eyebrow.

They shook their heads.

"And tell me how old are you?" he asked them.

"Sixteen." They said together.

"And what grade are you two in?"

"Tenth." They said dully.

"Now, class do you think they are old enough to know when a project is assigned?"

"Yes." The class minus Sasuke and Shikamaru rang.

"I suggest you two get started tonight." Kakashi said and started droning on about particle physics again.

Sasuke flashed a smirk at them and they both stuck their tongues out at him.

"Oh that's real mature you guys!" he rolled his eyes and turned back to Kakashi.

_Later…_

As Sasuke stepped into his house he was greeted with a harsh slap on his shoulder.

"Ow, Itachi, that hurt!" he rubbed his shoulder.

Itachi laughed, "It's fun hurting you."

Sasuke scowled and started to walk away.

"Oh, yeah and I invited your friends over tonight.

"WHAT!"

"Mom said you need to spend more time with them so she told me to."

"WHERE IS SHE?"

"Out of town, I said I'd baby sit you guys."

"WHO DID YOU INVITE?" his onyx eyes widened with fear.

"That one psychotic idiot in the orange suit and the other pink-haired freak you hang out with."

"You mean Naruto and Sakura?" his eyes got even wider.

"Yeah, them." Itachi smirked.

"YOU INVITED NARUTO AND SAKURA TO OUR HOUSE?"

"Yep."

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?"

"To tick you off, and please don't scream.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Then Sasuke fainted.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sakura dialed Naruto's number into her phone.

"_HELLO!_" his voice blasted through Sakura's end.

"Hey, It's Sakura, are you coming to Sasuke's?"

"_Yeah, I was really surprised when I got the invite_."

"Me too, I wonder if Sasuke was planning this for a while."

"_What do you mean?"_

"Never mind that, we need to work on that project too or else we'll fail."

"_Why? We already have F's_."

"Still."

"_We're the only one's too_." Naruto continued.

"That's cause we're the only ones who don't pay attention to Kakashi."

"_Shikamaru just sleeps and he's got an A_!"

"He got an IQ of 200, and look at us!"

"_Good point."_

See ya later!"

"_Bye Saku_!"

-Click-

Sakura sighed and hung up.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sakura and Naruto would be there in 15 minutes and Sasuke was still hyperventilating.

"Itachi, why?" his voice was barely audible.

"I got popcorn for you guys." Itachi shouted from the kitchen.

"Damn it Itachi just shut up!" he shouted back.

Itachi had cut off the phone line so Sasuke couldn't uninvited them, and had spent the last 3 hours preparing, he even baked a cake using their mother's frilly pink apron. (**Lolz mental image**)

A knock sounded on the door and Sasuke held his breath.

With out even waiting for Itachi to answer, Sakura burst through the door, she was wearing pink pj's and pink bunny slippers that clashed with her pink hair.

"HI SASUKE!" she screamed and jumped on Sasuke, knocking him to the ground.

Itachi snapped a picture and Sasuke flushed pink.

Then, Naruto burst through the door and jumped on top of Sasuke. Itachi snapped another picture.

"Oof." Sakura moaned and she and Naruto stood up cheering.

Naruto was wearing his regular orange suit and blue bunny slippers.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke were all sitting in Sasuke's room.

"What's this?" Sakura asked and held up a picture of him and Itachi taken 8 years ago.

"A picture."

"Why do you have so much junk?" Naruto asked as he rummaged through Sasuke's room.

"Ooh, I found a pacifier!" Sakura exclaimed holding it up.

"Is it yours Sasuke?" Naruto asked grinning.

"Yeah it is." Itachi said coming into the room.

"Shut up." Sasuke said through clenched teeth.

"What, your friends don't know about Mr. Fluffies?"

"Mr. Fluffies?" Sakura and Naruto laughed.

"Well what about your blankie?" Sasuke shot back.

"BLANKIE!" Sakura and Naruto laughed.

"It's yellow." Sasuke said matter-of-factually.

"Ohhh, does he have a name, Itachi?" Sakura giggled.

"It's a HER!" Itachi snapped.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Sakura and Naruto laughed.

Sasuke put Mr. Fluffies in his mouth.

Just then, all of Lee's cats appeared and started running around Sasuke's house. They chased Sasuke and Itachi into a tree.

"Now what?" Sasuke snapped.

"Don't look at me like that this is all your fault" Itachi snarled back.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Sasuke shouted. They both fell out of the tree and landed in garbage cans.

And suddenly, this humor fic, became a musical.

"Snap your fingers," Neji sang, "You can do it all by yourself, let me see you do it."

"I'm BOSSY! I'm the one y'all love to hate, I'm the chick that's raised to state, and I'm back with an 808."-Ino.

"My shadow's the only one who walks beside me…"-Gaara.

"My humps, my humps my humps my humps! Check it out!"-Temari.

"Stacy's mom has got in going on, I know it might be wrong, but I'm in love with Stacy's mom."-Shikamaru.

"YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH STACY"S MOM?" Naruto screamed.

"No, you idiot, it's just the song lyrics." Shikamaru told him.

"Who's Stacy?" Sakura asked.

"Idiots" muttered Shikamaru.

"Oops, I did it again."-Orichamaru.

"Oops you think I'm in love!"-Kabuto.

"Well, I'M NOT THAT INNOCENT!"-Both

"Those cats were fast as lightning!"-Lee.

"Meow, meow."-Lee's cats.

"I'm never having a sleep over again." Sasuke muttered.

"Heeheeheeheeheehee!" Itachi cackeled and soared out of sight on a broom wearing a witch hat.

"LEE!" Gai screamed.

"GAI-SENSEI!" Lee screamed.

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

They ran into each other's arms with the sunset in the background.

Then, Akamaru peed on Shino and he and Kiba got into a fight. Naruto stole Chouji's chips and Shikamaru stepped on Ino's foot. Tenten accidently cut Neji's hair with a kunai and Kankuro and Temari where trying to put lipstick on Gaara. So practically everyone was fighting.

"SASUKE!" Sakura screamed and hugged him.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Sakura, get off me!" he shouted.

In the bushes, Kakashi, Asuma, Kurenai, and Tsunade had a video camera and had taped the whole thing.

"Can't wait until we can send this in to AFV." Kakashi said and the others laughed.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"GAARA!" Temari screamed, "You used your Desert Coffin on a dead body AGAIN?"

"Sorry Temari!" he said and cowered in fright of his older sister.

_WHAM _

"You didn't have to use your fan again." He moaned with a black eye.

"PUCKER UP, GAARA!" a bunch a machete wielding fan girls screamed.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Gaara screamed, "Help me, Temari!"

"You wish!" She snorted and walked away.

Silence.

"GET HIM!"

Gaara ran away screaming and the machete wielding fan girls chased him.

Then, 5 cops pulled up in squad cars.

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Neji screamed as two police officers dragged him off Tenten.

"Your hair looks cute cut that way." She shouted at him.

Three more cops came up to Naruto.

"Your under arrest for breaking out of juvenile."

"WHAT? I was never in juvie!" he protested.

"Then why are you wearing an orange suit?" the shorter cop asked matter-of-factually.

"You can't judge from that!" Naruto shouted.

"We can, and we will." The fat cop said as the taller one handcuffed Naruto.

"Who is your parent or guardian?" the short cop asked.

"Iruka."

"DAMN IT!" Iruka shouted as he tried to sneak away.

"Ohhh, you said a bad word, Iruka-sensei." A little girl in his class said, "I'm telling Tsunade-samma."

"No, don't!" Iruka cried but she was gone.

The fat cop, handcuffed Iruka and put him and Naruto in a squad car.

Just then, Sasuke and Itachi's parents pulled in the driveway.

"UCHIHA SASUKE!" his mother screamed as she got out of the car.

"Mom, it's not was it looks like…"

"WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?"

"IT'S ITACHI'S FAULT SO BLAME HIM!" Sasuke shouted.

"OH THAT'S JUST LIKE YOU, 'BLAME ITACHI!" Mrs. Uchiha shouted back.

"WELL YOU TOLD ITACHI TO INVITE PEOPLE OVER!"

"WHERE _IS_ ITACHI?"

"HE FLEW AWAY!"

"HE WHAT?"

"YOU HEARD ME HE'S GONE!"

"TELL THESE PEOPLE TO LEAVE!"

Everyone cleared out of Sasuke's yard and then the cops left last. Then. A mist came in and Sasuke couldn't see anymore. The Uchiha opened his eyes and he was lying on the floor of his room with Sakura and Naruto kneeling next to him.

"Yo, teme, you fell asleep!" Naruto exclaimed.

"So, you haven't seen my pacifier?" Sasuke asked sitting up.

"You have a pacifier?" Sakura asked with raised eyebrows.

"NO!" Sasuke shouted.

"Okay, okay!" Naruto and Sakura said.

"I had the strangest dream." Sasuke rambled, "and you both were there."

"Oh, really?" Sakura asked, interested.

"Yeah, and Neji, Tenten, Shikamaru, Ino, Temari, Kankuro, Gaara, Itachi, Iruka, Asuma, Kakashi, Lee, Gai, Kurenai, Tsunade, Shino, Akamaru, Kiba, machete wielding fan girls, and the cops were there too.

"Whoa, now let's play truth or dare!" Sakura exclaimed.

But Sasuke and Naruto had already broken into 'Somewhere over the rainbow.'

_End_

**Hiya! Sorry about the Britney Spears, it was random and stuff. But anyway please tell if you liked or hated it, Thank ya!**


	11. The Wrath Of The Fan Girls

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto why would I bother writing fanfics?**

**A/N: I decides to make this list so read it if you want to or just skip to the story. Thankies!**

_**EE's Mega-Ultra-Jumbo List of Naruto Couples She Hates And Why…**_

_1.) Sasuke and Hinata…_

_Sasuke is a mute and Hinata is really shy so whenever they went on dates it would be very silent._

_b.) Neji would kick Sasuke's ass. (It's only funny when Itachi kicks Sasuke's ass._

_c.) Sasuke is hot, but probably gay._

_2.) Kakashi and Sakura…_

_AGE DIFFERENCE!_

_Sakura would get pissed whenever he read Icha Icha Paradise; (As he does oftenly)._

_They are teacher and student, THEY CAN'T GO OUT!_

_3.) Neji and Ino…(Yes, I have seriously seen a story with this couple!)_

_Neji is too busy being pissed off at the Head Family._

_Ino is to obsessed with Sasuke so they would never hook up in the first place._

_4.) Naruto and Sakura…_

_ a.) They are friends!_

_They would be very annoying to be around._

_5.) Shikamaru and Temari…_

_I can't imagine Shika taller then her._

_They both wear fishnet so they would look odd together._

_Imagine if they had a kid what it would look like. . _

_6.) Sakura and Lee…_

_Sakura thinks he's annoying._

_7.) Tenten and Lee…_

_Tenten is cool and Lee is retarded._

_Tenten should be with Neji! -_

_8.) Gai and Kakashi…_

_I'm not a huge yaoi fan._

_THIS IS JUST WRONG!_

_Kakashi isn't gay._

_9.) Hinata and Gaara…_

_Gaara doesn't like anybody._

_Hinata would be scared around him; (Who wouldn't?)_

_Naruto wouldn't be happy and hyper anymore if Gaara went out with Hinata._

_They would never meet anyway._

_10.) Kiba with anybody…_

_He's too much of a freak._

_11.) Shino and Kiba…_

_The last reason._

_Shino isn't gay._

_Shino doesn't like anybody._

_12.) Sakura and Genma…_

_Age difference._

_They don't even know each other._

_13.) Itachi and Sakura…_

_They don't even know each other._

_Sakura wouldn't like Itachi because Sasuke hates him._

_She would think he was creepy._

_He's in the Akatsuki and she lives in Konoha._

_Itachi doesn't like anyone._

And that is my Mega-Ultra-Jumbo List of Naruto Couples I Hate And Why. Thanks for taking the time to read it! I hope you have dreams of Itachi, Neji and Gaara tonight. If you're a girl that is, if you're a guy, I'll give you a hug! XD

**Guys: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! RUN!**

**EE: Hey! I'm not that bad!**

**Guys: Yes you are!**

**EE: You meanie-heads!**

**Sasuke: Hey, get to the story, Freak!**

**EE: Fine! And I'm not a freak!**

**Sasuke: -mutters- coulda fooled me…**

**EE: Here's the story! Please R & R!**

_The Wrath Of The Fan Girls... _

Sasuke ran in his front door and slammed it and locked all 18 locks on it.

"Sasuke-kun!"

"I love you!"

"Go out with me!"

All of his fan clubs were out side screaming and just making a racket.

"Fan girls again?" a voice asked.

Itachi.

"Yeah." Sasuke said putting his pacifier in his mouth.

"If you get a girl friend they stop a bit."

Next day…

Sasuke scanned the hallway at school. Then he saw Sakura with Ino. **(A/n: this will not be a sasusaku fic.) **

"Hey." He said and walked up to them.

"Hi." They both said in unison.

"Sakurawillyoubemygirlfriend?" he asked and then instantly regretted it.

"What?" she asked, "I didn't catch any of that."

"Oh." He took Mr. Fluffies, his pacifier out of his mouth.

"Sakura, will you be… my…"

"Your what?" she asked blushing.

"Girlfriend." He whispered.

"What?" she asked.

"SAKURA, WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?" he screamed.

"Ohhhhhhhhh." She sighed.

"I'd like to but, but I'm really a guy." She admitted and pulled off her flesh mask revealing George Bush.

"What?" he screamed.

'And so am I." Ino said and pulled her mask of to reveal Michael Jackson.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sasuke yelled and ran away.

But a group of fan girls stopped him.

"Sasuke-kun, we're all really guys!" one said and they all pulled flesh masks off.

They were all guys.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sasuke screamed as the fan girls/guys and Sakura/George Bush and Ino/Michael Jackson surrounded him.

"Join us!" they chanted and closed in on him.

Then, Super Lee who was wearing his jump suit and red underwear over it flew by and grabbed Sasuke just before the fan girls/guys could get him.

"Thank you, mister!" Sasuke said in a high voice when Lee put him down.

"All in a day's work, sonny!" Lee's voice was super low, and he flew away.

_With Neji…_

"Hey, What's up Tenten?" asked as he saw her.

"Neji, I'm not who you think I am." She said and looked down.

"What do you mean?" he asked her.

She pulled off her flesh mask.

"Chuck Norris?" he asked horrified.

"Yes, Neji." Tenten/Chuck Norris said, taking a step toward him.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Neji screamed and ran away.

_With Naruto…_

"N-Naruto?" Hinata asked as she blushed.

"HI HINATA!" Naruto screamed and hugged her.

"I-I have s-something to t-tell you." She stuttered.

"Yeah, Hinata?" he said letting go of her.

"I'm really a-a g-guy." She admitted and pulled her mask of.

"TAYLOR HICKS!" Naruto screamed, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Yes." Taylor Hicks said looking evil.

"You shouldn't have won American Idol!" Naruto screamed.

"AND WHY NOT?" Taylor Hicks yelled.

"BECAUSE YOU ARE LIKE 75!"

"NO! I'M NOT. IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL FOR 29 YEAR OLDS TO COLOR THEIR HAIR!"

"You color your hair?" Naruto asked.

"NO! I MEAN, AARRGGHH!" And Taylor Kicks stomped away.

_With Sasuke…_

Sasuke was walking down the hall when he ran into Gaara.

"Hey, Uchiha I heard all of your fan girls were guys!" Gaara laughed.

"So?"

"At least all of my fan girls are all real girls." Gaara explained.

"Right?" he asked them.

They all looked around uneasily.

"Well…" one began.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sasuke and Gaara screamed and ran away before they could pull of flesh masks.

"Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" the fan girls/boys laughed.

And they took over the world that day. Poor Sasuke and Gaara.

_End_

**EE: Thankies for reading and please review!**

**Neji: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

**Chuck Norris: NNeeeeeeeejjiiiiiiiiiii!" –steals Neji's dew-rag- (you know the thing rappers wear on their heads?)**

**Neji: Not cool! Give me back my dew-rag!**

**EE: Like I said please review!**

**Neji: Yeah, do what the freak said!**

**EE: Hey!**


	12. Why You Would Or Wouldn't Want To Live I

**First off, I would like to thank all of my readers for the reviews, I super appreciate it!**

**Thanks, KyuubiFoxLover, you're a great reviewer! Also thank you to xox-Cherry.Blossom-xox, sn1ck3rD00dl3, karis, EvilFuzzy9, SilentSongofmymind, KinTsuchi13, GothicSuicide, Hiatus-Girl, Sarah, brezzie, Black Winged Hikari Angel, Tiger Eye2, Raging Psyco, Isabella, I Have An Alter Ego, and Naruto8Ramen! You guys rock and I love you all!**

**Yours truly,**

**EE- (initials)**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I would make Sakura kill Sasuke in the end and fall in love with Gaara, also Gai would shove his head down a toilet and Lee would get a life.**

_Why You Would or Wouldn't Want To Live In Konoha…_

One day Sasuke and Sakura were walking down a street when suddenly from afar; Sakura saw a really cute dog.

"OMG, Sasuke, Look there's a super cute dog! We have to pet it!" She squealed and took off.

"Wait! No, Sakura-chan!" Sasuke shouted back she was all ready hugging the dog.

"Hello, pwetty doggy!" she cooed and Sasuke rolled his eyes.

Suddenly the whole street was filled with cute dogs and Sakura ran around petting and hugging them.

"Doggies, Sasuke-kun!" she yelled happily, "Don't you want to pet them?"

"NO," Sasuke said coldly, "I hate dogs, so come on." She he tried to pull Sakura away from the dogs.

"B-but S-sasuke!" she wailed, "There's more doggies over there!"

Sasuke sighed.

_Meanwhile In The Hokage's Tower…_

**BOOM!**

"Whoa, Neji! Did you see that explosion?" Naruto yelled with glee.

"Yeah, Let's go buy another one from that creepy, nameless, foreign guy!" Neji exclaimed.

"Sweet!"

"Awesome!"

"Totally!"

"What they hell did you two do to my office!" A pissed off Tsunade yelled and they ran for their lives.

_Meanwhile Somewhere Else…_

Shino, Kiba, and Hinata were all sitting down somewhere.

"I b-brought us PB&J's." Hinata said and handed them out.

"Akamaru is allergic to peanut butter." Kiba said.

"Yeah, and so are bugs." Shino added.

"YOU TWO AND YOU'RE SUPID ANIMALS!" Hinata screamed in the most un-Hinata way.

"She didn't mean that, Akamaru," Kiba said patting his head, "that's what happens when your friends start smoking pot, yes I know, I'm sad about it too. I mean, I never would have thought that Hinata…"

"You idiot, Hinata-chan's not on pot!" Shino said raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah and your not an arsonist!" Kiba huffed, "It looks like only Akamaru and I are the only ones left on our squad who haven't succumbed to peer pressure, Hinata's on pot, you're an arsonist and Kurenai's dealing drugs to kids!"

"What!' Shino asked alarmed.

"The sad truth." Murmured Kiba.

Which officially creeped out Shino.

_Temari, Kankurou, and Gaara's House…_

"So Gaara," Temari asked, "Why did you steal someone's id?"

"I already told you, Temari, for credit card use!" he shouted.

"Smart." She commented with a raised eyebrow.

"Really?" Gaara asked surprised.

"What did you buy?" she asked suddenly.

"Teddy Bears." He mutters.

"Hmm." She stood up and walked over to her room when Gaara jumped in between her and her door.

"What, Gaara?" she asked tapping her foot.

"Y-you won't want t-to g-go in there." Gaara stuttered.

Out of my way." She ordered and shoved Gaara to the side and opened her door.

Suddenly, hundreds of Teddy Bears fell out of the room and from down the block you could hear Temari.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

_End_

**EE: That's all for this chapter hope you liked it!**

**Neji: Please review and stuff!**

**AA: Thanks again!**


	13. Giving Thanks

**EE- Sorry I haven't updated in, like, 2 months!!!!!!!!**

**DD-Yeah, ditto! Today we decided to celebrate Jared Leto's birthday, 2 days late!!!**

**EE- OH yeah, and happy belated Thanksgiving!!!**

**DD- And you're are probably all thinking, "WTF?". Well, we have decided to make this chapter about Thanksgiving!! Go Us!!!!!!!! The Idea came to us, because we had a happy belated 4th of July party 2!!!!! **

**EE- And once again, you're probably thinking WTF??? Also, Sasuke is gone with Orochimaru right now.**

**DD- Well, anyway, on to the story!!!!! **

**Giving Thanks**

It was a beautiful day in Konoha. All the pretty and colorful leaves on the ground, were, er, there. It was the perfect day for Thanksgiving.

It wasn't crowded in Konoha, okay, it was, but still. About 30 people decided to have Thanksgiving at Naruto's crapped up apartment. Including, the Akatsuki, the sand trio, Team Gai, the Rookie Nine, The Sound Five, the Sensei's of the teams, and Tsunade.

"Hey guys, welcome- Holy CRAP!!! What are you guys doing here?????!?!?!?" Naruto shouted, as he saw the people at his door, especially the S-Class criminals.

"I-i-i-i-tachi-i-i-!!!!!!!" Naruto screamed, as went and hid under his blankets.

"Hi," Itachi said, cheerfully. This was his break, so he was happy.

"You do have a feast prepared don't you, Naruto?" Ten Ten asked, as Naruto got back up.

"Well, there's a long story about that…." Naruto said, recalling a flashback.

_Flash Back_

"_I can't wait until Thanksgiving! All the yummy food!" Naruto yelled happily, as he went inside his apartment. He took his key out, and locked the door._

"_Oh crap! How am I going to get out now?!?! I'm going to starve to death!!! I mean, all I have is a million packs of instant Ramen, A turkey, A bowl of Mash Potatoes, some popsicles, and A super sized pumpkin Pie. OH WAIT!!!! I'm not going to starve!!!!" Naruto yelled, as he took all the food, and invited some friends over, Mainly Bigfoot, and Darth Vader. Just kidding. _

_End Flash Back._

"You locked yourself in your house?!?" Kisame yelled.

"Well, it's not my fault," Naruto said.

"You could have just unlocked the door, you baka!!!!!" Sakura yelled at Naruto, as she hit him in the head with her inhuman strength.

"Ouch," Naruto groaned, as they all glared at him.

"So what are we going to eat now you bastard???" Tayuya asked, obviously very Pissed off.

"Oh, darn, I guess it's going to be another Thanksgiving of candy and popcorn," Ten Ten said, recalling a flash back.

_Flash Back_

"_I have made the Dumplings of YOUTH!!!!" Lee shouted, as Ten Ten, and Neji covered their ears with there hands._

"_WELL DONE LEE!!!! THE SPIRIT OF YOUTH WILL ALWAYS HELP YOU!!!!" Gai shouted, putting his fist in the air._

"_GAI SENSEI!" _

"_LEE!"_

"_GAI SENSEI!" _

"_LEE!"_

"_GAI SENSEI!" _

"_LEE!"_

_And this continued for an hour, before Ten Ten stopped them, by throwing the dumplings out the window._

"_NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Gai and Lee yelled in unison. _

"_Forget you losers. What else do we have to eat in this not-so-pimpin-place?" Neji, I mean, Gangsta Neji, said in his gangsta voice._

"_Well, we still have the popcorn and candy in the back of the cabinets," Lee said, "But that would be unhealthy, and unyouthful!!!"_

"_Let's do it then," Ten Ten Yelled happily, as they ate candy and popcorn for the rest of the night._

_End Flash Back_

"Have you ever noticed we always have these weird flash backs in this story?" Itachi asked.

"Yeah, you're right," Ten Ten and Naruto said in unison.

"Hopefully we won't have anymore," Deidara said, as everyone agreed. But what they didn't know, was that Deidara….. just jinxed them.

"Oh well, let's get the candy and popcorn out now!" Ten Ten yelled, as she ran to Naruto's food place/kitchen.

"Jeese Naruto, you got like 1247689134987123947213947129834712983742193847 bags of popcorn and candy in here! I'm surprised your not addicted to this stuff!" Ten Ten yelled.

"Or is he, maybe that's why he is so… Dumb," Sakura said, as everyone started to think, really random thoughts.

_Thoughts of everyone_

_Sakura- Do I look fat in this outfit?_

_Naruto- Ramen Ramen Ramen_

_Ten Ten- Man Neji looks hot_

_Neji- Man, Ten Ten looks hot_

_Lee- Gai Sensei!_

_Gai Sensei- LEE!!!_

_Itachi- Do think I would look good blond?_

_Kisame- I wonder if I look like a fish_

_Sasori- I wonder how long it would take to kill everyone._

_Deidara- I wonder if Itachi will go blond._

_Ino- Am I blond?_

_Shikamaru- I bet Ino doesn't even know she's blond._

_Choji- These are really good chips_

_Kiba- Why am I even here?_

_Hinata- I wonder why people pair me up with my cousin in stories. That's just stupid!!!!_

_Shino- Am I gay?_

_Gaara- I wonder if I can get some eyeliner around here._

_Kankuro- I can't believe Temari put purple face paint on me while I was sleeping!_

_Temari- I can't believe I put purple face paint on that dumb ass while he was sleeping! _

_Kimimaro- I can't believe people call me Kimi_

_Tayuya- I wonder who is going to be Orochimaru's next emo boyfriend?_

_Jiroubou- Do I really look fat?_

_  
Kidomaru- The truth is, I'm really afraid of spiders_

_Sakon- The truth is, I'm really Micheal Jackson_

_Ukon- I'm can't believe I'm related to Micheal Jackson_

_Kakashi- This is a really good book_

_Kurenai(sp?)- Why do I always wear this dress?_

_Asuma- I'm so gangsta with these brass-knuckle thingys_

_Tsunade- Why don't casinos open on Thanksgiving?_

_End Thoughts_

"Guys, I'm really bored, so let's do karaoke!!!" Shino yelled, as everyone stared at him, but nodded anyway.

"Okay…." Everyone said slowly.

"Can we go first?" Sakura and Ino asked in unison.

"Sure, why not," Everyone else agreed.

"_The daylight breaks, a picture show of endless takes  
And the music's coming through on the radio  
And I take my place, reluctantly I join the race  
It's not my fight, just trying to stay on my feet  
But oh there's one thing that gets to me  
It's that little girl she puts me down so easily  
In total absurd I'm saying these words"_

"With every beat of my heart, I will love you  
With every song, with every breath that you take"

"_I'll give you the moon and the sun, you're the only one  
Pleading love with every beat of my heart"_

"With every beat of my heart, I will love you  
With every song, with every breath that you take  
I'll give you the moon and the sun, you're the only one  
Pleading love with every beat of my heart  
Pleading love with every beat of my heart," Ino and Sakura ended, as a whole bunch of tomatoes hit them.

"You suck!!!" Gaara yelled, way out of character, who happened to find some rocks. Sakura and Ino screamed and ran off the stage, considering the fact that Gaara was throwing rocks at them.

"Okay, who's next? And Whoever's going next, get at least a good song," Shino said, as everyone agreed.

"Okay I'll go," Itachi said, going to the microphone.

"_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all"_

"_You're sick of feeling down_

_You're not the only one_

_I'll take you by the hand_

_And I'll show you a world that you can understand_

_This life is filled with hurt_

_When happiness doesn't work_

_Trust me and take my hand_

_When the lights go out you will understand"_

"_Pain, without love_

_Paint, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all"_

"_Anger and agony_

_Are better than misery_

_Trust me I've got a plan_

_When the lights go off you will understand"_

"_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing_

_Rather feel pain"_

"_I know (I know I know I know I know)_

_That you're wounded_

_You know (You know you know you know you know)_

_That I'm here to save you_

_You know (You know you know you know you know)_

_I'm always here for you_

_I know (I know I know I know I know)_

_That you'll thank me later"_

"_Pain, without love_

_Pain, can't get enough_

_Pain, I like rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

_Rather feel pain than nothing at all_

_Rather feel pain_," Itachi sang, as everyone aplouded, except for Sasuke, who was watching him from his computer over the internet.

"Stupid Itachi," Sasuke said.

Back to The story

"Okay guys, that's enough karaoke for now," Gaara said, "Now let's eat!"

They all got up from their seats, that Naruto had stolen from Someone who looked a lot like Kakashi.

"Hey Naruto, these chairs look really famililar, where did you buy them?" Kakashi asked, as Naruto started sweating.

"Ummmmmmm, I forgot," Naruto said quickly, but luckily, Kakashi was an idiot, so he didn't figure it out.

"Oh, okay, I got mine from Home Depot," Kakashi told him, as Naruto, not really giving a crap, gave him a thumbs up.

"That's so great," Naruto told him.

"I know," Kakashi told him, as Naruto rolled his eyes, and they walked into the kitchen, to get the popcorn and candy. When they were all seated, Tsunade stood up.

"Okay everyone, let's say what we are thankful for. Naruto, why don't you start," Tsunade said, sitting back down.

"I'm Thankful for Ramen, Ramen, Hinata-Chan, and Ramen," Naruto said, as He got a glare from Neji.

"My turn," Neji said, "I'm thankful for these contacts I have, considering I'm blind, Ten Ten, Hinata-San, and that there will always be weak people to beat up."

"Thank you Neji, hey Hinata, why don't you go," Tsunade said.

"Okay, I'm thankful for Naruto, Neji not beating up Naruto, these contacts, that Akamaru has only peed on me twice this year," Hinata said.

"Ok, my turn now," Kiba started, " I'm thankful for Akamaru, my Eskimo jacket, and all living dogs who kill the people who try to kill them."

"Um, okay then, your turn next Itachi," Tsunade said.

"I'm Thankful for my parents being dead, my charming looks, how beautiful my hair is, and how Sasuke grew up to be a retard," Itachi said.

"Amen Brother!" Everyone said, agreeing to the Sasuke thing.

"Like, it's my turn!" Ino yelled happily, " I'm thankful for, Shika-Kun, flowers, Make-up, and flowers…. And make-up."

"Um okay, my turn now," Ten Ten said, " I'm thankful for Neji, weapons, These awesome Chinese shirts, and ice-cream."

"Okay, your turn next Kakashi," Naruto yelled, wanting to know what he was thankful for.

"Okay, I'm thankful for Make-out Paradise, Jiryaya for making the books, and the guy who made the movies," Kakashi said, and at that moment, all the girls threw him out the window.

"Idiot," someone said, as Gaara got up.

"My turn next," Gaara said, " I'm thankful for eyeliner, pandas, make-up, and Teddy Bears."

"Okay, Your turn Shikamaru," Ino said, happily.

"I'm thankful for clouds," Shikamaru said.

"That's all you're thankful for?" Ino asked, irritated.

"yep," Shikamaru said, as he got punched in the head by Ino.

"Okay, Moving on. Your turn Shino," Tsunade said to him.

"Okay, I agree with Hinata that Akamaru has only peed on my twice this year, and I am also thankful for bugs," Shino answered.

"Your turn Kankuro."

"I am thankful for barbies and lip stick," Kankuro said.

"Your turn Temari."

"Well I don't have anything to be thankful for. I live in a house with two brothers, who are obsessed with make-up and dolls!" Temari answered, as everyone agreed, except for Kankuro and Gaara.

"Their action figures! Not dolls!" Kankuro screamed.

"And what's wrong with make-up??!?!" Gaara screamed.

"Forget you losers," Temari said, " Your turn next, Deidara."

"Well, um, I'm thankful for… PLAY-DOE!!!!! And clay!!!" Deidara said, too happily.

"And how did he get into the akatsuki again?" Sasori asked, " Anway, I'm thankful for puppets, there being people to kill to make puppets, and that's about it."

"Okay, that's just great, your turn Kimimaro."

"I'm thankful for bones, that Orochimaru is not going to use me for a body anymore, and coughcoughTayuyacoughcough," Kimimaro said, pleased with himself.

"I'm thankful for cuss words, for there to be people I can make fun of, and coughcoughKimimarocoughcough," Tayuya said, also pleased with herself.

"Okay, I'm thankful for Fish, big ass swords, and fun house mirrors," Kisame said, as they all stared at him weirdly.

"Okay then, I'm thankful for Spiders, things that kill spiders, I mean things that create spiders, and yeah," Kidomaru said, hoping no one realized his fear of spiders.

"I'm Thankful for beautiful long hair," Sakura started, as someone cut off her hair, "NOOOO!!!! Well anyway, I'm also thankful for Soap on a rope.

"Your turn next, Jiroubou."

"I'm thankful for food, and that's about it," Jiroubou said.

"ME TOO!!!! Except I'm thankful for Potato Chips, and barbeque," Choji said happily, seeing as he found someone he could relate too.

"Your up next Kurenai."

"I'm Thankful for Hinata, since she's the best student ever," Kurenai answered.

"Well, I'm thankful for Lee, and Youthfulness!!!!" Gai yelled in his youthful voice.

"Oh, oh, oh!!!! I'm thankful for Gai sensei, Youthfulness, and my youthful teammates, Neji and Ten Ten," Lee yelled in his also youthful voice, as Neji and Ten Ten ducked under a table.

"Okay, Mine turn now my homies," Asuma said, trying to act like a gangsta, which didn't really work out, "I'm so thankful for my brass knuckles, and cigarettes, because where the heck would we be without them?"

"Your going to die soon, you know that?" Shikamaru told him.

"No I won't, Cigarettes will save me!" Asuma yelled, as he died. Just kidding.

"We're thankful for make-up, and Sephora, and Plastic surgery," Ukon and Sakon unison.

"Okay, I know we are thankful for different things, but let's all agree that were all thankful that Sasuke is gone," Tsunade said, as everyone nodded.

"Amen Sista!" Everyone yelled, as Sasuke, from his internet connections, growled, and destroyed his computer.

**The End**

**DD- so, how was it?**

**EE- It was really random.**

**DD- YAY!!!!! **

**EE- Anyway, please review!!!!!!! **


	14. Christmas At Naruto's Part One

**EE- hiyas and thanx 4 the reviews!**

**DD- totally, AND we had a request 4 a Christmas/Hanukah oneshot SO, here it is!**

**EE- YAY!!**

**DD- please, EE, use ur indoor voice…**

_Christmas At Naruto's Part One…_

It was a cold December day in Konoha, the wind was blowing, teeth were chattering, even Akamaru's pee was frozen before it hit his current victim. And unfortunately for the Konoha shinobi, they stupidly decided to have another holiday at Naruto's crapped-up apartment. It was everybody from before, the rookie nine, team Gai, the sand sibs, the sound five, the Akatsuki, all of the senseis, Tsunade, everyone's favorite Hokage, and of course, who could forget Sasuke, watching from his laptop in the sound village.

When Naruto answered the door to let everyone in, he was wearing all of his clothed and jackets.

"You baka!" Sakura shouted, hitting him on the head, "Why is it so freaking cold in here?"

"Sorry, Sakura-Chan," he said, "My heater kind of broke…"

**Flashback**

"_Hmmm." Naruto said to himself, "I wonder what this big metal tank is."_

_He reached out and touched it, "OWWW!!!!!!" he screamed at ran to the kitchen to stick it in cold water._

_"That tank-thingy is dangerous, and if I don't destroy it, it will burn my apartment down!" he took a kunai and began stabbing it, until it began to smoke._

_"OMG!" he screamed and opened all the windows, thus, letting all the warm air out._

_But, by the time he realized what he did, it was too late. _

"_Oops," he laughed, "Heh heh."_

**End Flashback**

Everyone stared in disbelief at Naruto.

"Only you," Shikamaru said, "Could do something so, so…"

"_Dumb_." Ino finished.

"Actually, I was going to say troublesome." Shikamaru corrected her.

"I would know" she said back.

"Well," Lee said, "Consider it like a mission, we don't have heaters on missions."

"It is freaking Christmas!" Sakura and Ino yelled, "I don't want to pretend I'm on a mission!"

"The fiery power of youth will keep us warm!" Gai shouted.

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"That's enough." Tenten stopped them as she had Neji had popping veins.

"At least this time we won't be eating popcorn and candy." Ino said.

"Well, actually," Naruto began to sweat, "About the food…"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!??!!??!!??!!??" everyone screamed.

**Flashback**

_Pretty much like last time, except Naruto got lost on the way home from the grocery store and ate all the food before he got home._

**End Flashback**

"YOU ARE JUST RETARDED!!" Sakura screamed and hit him so hard he flew about eleven feet.

"It's two Thanksgivings and a Christmas of popcorn and candy!" Tenten and Neji sighed.

"Okay well, let's play a game or something." Ino suggested.

"I know," Sakura said, "Let's play TRUTH OR DARE!"

"Whatever," Gaara said, "I'm not going to play though."

"Yes you will," Temari said smiling evilly, "If you don't, it's no eyeliner for a month!"

"I mean, sounds fun!" Gaara corrected himself.

"I'm going first." Sakon said, "Kidomaru, truth or dare."

"Dare."

"I dare you to stomp on a spider." Sakon said, grinning ear to ear.

"But they're SCARY!" Kidomaru wailed.

Sakon put a spider in front of Kidomaru and he just screamed high pitched and ran away.

"Well, fine." Sakon said, "Kimimaro, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Do you like Tayuya?"

"Um…"

"I mean _like, _like her."

"Cough-cough-yes-cough-cough."

"What's that?" Sakura asked.

"YES!" Kimimaro yelled, "Happy?"

They all had weird thoughts right then:

Kimimaro- I did not just say that!

Tayuya- OMG, Kimimaro likes me!

Sakon- What have I done?

Kidomaru (from outside)- Scary spider!

Jiroubou- Whoa!

Sakura- Oh how cute!

Ino- Maybe I AM blonde!

Shikamaru- I wonder if Ino's finally found out she's blonde.

Naruto- Ramen Ramen Ramen

Kiba- Uh oh, Akamaru's gonna pee!

Shino- Aw gawd, Akamaru just pissed on me!

Hinata- Sucks for Shino…

Tenten- Neji looks so hot, when he's smirks! hearts in eyes

Neji- Tenten looks so cute when she has hearts in her eyes. Wait, hearts?

Lee- Gai-sensei is so smart, the power of youth _is _keeping me warm!

Gai- Lee is the best student ever!

Kakashi- This book rocks!

Kurenai- Hinata rocks!

Asuma- Yummy cigarette!

Chouji- Eww, Asuma is _eating _his cigarette!

Gaara- I want a muffin!

Temari- I wonder if Gaara would let me draw eyebrows on him with eyeliner.

Kankuro- I hope Temari doesn't find out I don't actually have eyebrows.

Temari again- I bet Kankuro only wears that hood-thing because he doesn't have eyebrows either! I can't be related to them!

Itachi- It's decided, I will die my hair blond!

Sasori- I could beat everyone one here.

Deidara- I must confiscate all hair die when we go back!

Tsunade- They should open all casinos 365 days a year!

Kisame- I can't believe Itachi tricked me into eating fish yesterday!

Ukon- I can't believe that one store stopped selling blue lipstick! I guess I'll just have to steal some from Sakon.

End Thoughts

"Uh, Kimimaro," Sakon said, breaking an awkward silence, "It's your turn."

"Right, Um, Temari, Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Temari said bravely, considering Kimimaro's twisted mind.

"I dare you, "He whispered in her ear, "To pull off Kakashi's mask."

"Easy," she said, "Too easy."

She reached out and was about to give Kakashi's mask a good yank off, when he grabbed her wrist and threw her across the room.

"Screw you!" she pouted.

"Nice try." Sakura comforted her.

"Kankuro, truth or dare?"

"Um, truth, I guess." He said.

"Okay, do you have eyebrows?" she asked evilly.

"Uh, yeah, of course I do!" Kankuro stuttered, nervously.

"I don't believe you." Temari said glaring.

"Take your hood-thing off." Gaara said.

"Oh shut up!" Kankuro said, angrily, "You don't have eyebrows either!"

"I do to!" Gaara lied, "Shukaku plucks them all out when I'm not paying attention."

"Suuuuuuuuuure." Everyone said.

"Gaara, truth or dare?" Kankuro asked.

"Dare."

"Um, hmmm" Kankuro thought, trying to think of the perfect revenge. He got it! "I dare you to kiss Sakura."

Sound Effects: _Cricket, cricket_.

"ON THE LIPS!" he added.

Gaara gulped and leaned across the circle towards Sakura…

_End Chapter_

**EE- Oooooooh, the suspence!**

**DD- You lied! You said this was a oneshot!**

**EE- Sry about that, this ended up way longer than I thought.**

**DD- Hopefully though, this will only be a twoshot!**

**EE- Is that even a word?**

**DD- It is now!**

**EE & DD- PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!**


	15. Christmas At Naruto's Part Two

**EE- here is PART TWO!!!!!**

**DD- So?**

**AA- Only u could get excited about this!**

**EE- w/e**

**Gaara- I hate u, EE!**

**EE- I know, but guess what else?**

**Garra- sighs what?**

**EE- I DON'T CARE!!!!!**

**Gaara- Hmmph, just get this kissing business OVER with!**

**AA- U just lyk her!**

**Gaara- do not!**

**DD- U lyk sakura, don't deny it!**

**Gaara- Even IF I DID, lyk I would tell YOU!**

**AA- But we're ur friends!**

**Gaara- No, I hate u guys!**

**Gaara- JUST GET IT FREAKING OVER WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**EE- Ok, ok, but only 'cause sand is starting to swirl around u…**

**Gaara- NOW!!!!!!**

**AA- Gotcha, here's PART TWO!!!**

_Christmas At Naruto's Part Two…_

Closer, and closer. Temari and Kankuro were trying EXTREMLY had not to laugh. Too late. They began to laugh so hard that they began to cough and choke.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…ack, ack, ack.."

Sand began to swirl around Gaara and that shut them up.

Ino and Tenten grabbed his hair and shoved Gaara and Sakura together. Temari and Kankuro began laughing again, and Gaara tried to pull away, BUT Tenten and Ino were very good hair-grabbers because Tenten had practiced on Neji and Ino on Shikamaru.

Gaara's face was redder than his obviously dyed hair.

**Gaara- It is NOT dyed!**

**DD- Says u!**

**AA- It looks lyk it!**

**EE- C'mon, Gaara, no one has that color red for hair!**

**Gaara- Well, I do!**

**Gaara- What about Sakura tho, she has PINK hair!**

**EE- yeah, well she probably fell into a pit of chemicals when she was a kid!**

**Sakura- What's that ur saying?**

**EE- Nothing!**

**DD- Continuing the story…**

Finally, Tenten and Ino were satisfied and let him go. Temari and Kankuro abruptly stopped laughing when Gaara gave them a glare that he only gives people he kills.

"Naruto, dare or dare?" Gaara asked.

"Hmm," Naruto said, thinking, "I'm not sure. Dare, I think?"

Everyone sweat dropped and fell over anime style.

"I dare you to declare your profound love for Kakashi."

"WHAT!! When you got dared at least what you were doing was straight!"

"So?" Gaara asked.

"Fine." Naruto said, "I love you, Kakashi. I would go to the end of the world for you!"

Everyone was silent for a little bit.

"You know," Sakura said, "That wasn't part of the dare."

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"Okay, Itachi, truth or dare?" Naruto asked.

"Dare."

"Hmmm, I dare you to hug Kisame for 30 seconds!"

"Oh, this will be good." Sasori and Deidara said getting a video camera out.

After 30 seconds of them hugging and everyone laughing really hard, especially Sasori, Deidara, and Sasuke, they stopped.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Sasuke laughed running into the room.

"Okay," Itachi said, "Now that Sasuke is here, he's playing."

"Sasuke, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Okay, I dare you to make out with Ino."

"No way!"

"You have to, it's a dare!"

When Sasuke was about to kiss her she kicked him between the legs.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Laughed everyone, especially Itachi.

"I have a boyfriend you know!" she yelled at him and kicked him in the side and continued kicking him until he wasn't moving anymore.

"Who?" Everyone asked.

"Why, it's Shikamaru, of course!" she yelled.

"Serious?" asked Sakura.

"Yup, Isn't that right, Shika-kun?"

"Sure, Ino." Shikamaru said, trying not to piss her off.

Everyone rolled their eyes and they moved on.

"Okay," Sasuke said standing back up, "Kakashi, truth or dare."

"Dare." Kakashi said, not looking up from his "book".

"I dare you to go a whole month without reading, Icha Icha Paradise!"

The whole room was silent. In fact, no one could imagine Kakashi would out an Icha Icha Paradise book!

"Don't waste your dare, Sasuke-teme," Naruto laughed, "Kakashi can't do that!"

"I can too!" Kakashi shouted, really OOC.

"Fine, then." Sasuke said.

"Okay, Kakashi, it's your turn…" Tsunade began to say but they all suddenly got hypo-thermia, 'cause it was so cold.

"I've never been so cold!" Tenten said, teeth chattering, "Naruto, I hate you!"

"Let's go to my house," Ino said, "We have heat there!"

"I'm in." Everyone said.

As they all got up to walk out the door, they saw it was locked. Not only that, but it was frozen shut so no one could bust it open or anything!

"Naruto," Sakura yelled, "WHERE IS THE KEY, NOW?"

"I, um, don't really know…"

_THUNK!!!!!_

Sakura hit Naruto so hard in the head that he fell through the floor, thus, letting them all out through the apartment below Naruto's.

"So," concluded Sakura, "Whenever you have problem, hit Naruto as hard as you can, and you'll be okay!"

BUT, when they were about to walk out the other apartment, someone stepped in the way….

OROCHIMARU!!!!!! sound effects- horror movie screaming

"Why do you have an apartment in Konoha?" Neji asked.

"Because, I got kicked out of a hotel in Florida, so this is my now winter house." He said, "And also because I want to take over Konoha, but mostly the first reason."

"Oh yeah," Kabuto said coming out of nowhere, "And we won't let you leave, unless you have the password sooooo…"

"Then you will just be trapped here and forced to participate in our slumber party!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" They all screamed.

_The End_

**EE- HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!**

**AA- You are too cruel, making them do that!**

**EE- It's all in a days work!!!**

**DD- Mwa ha ha ha ha ha hah a- ack ack ack!**

**AA- Chew your food! Jk**

**DD- Hey!**

**Gaara- You guys are all dorks!**

**DD- And yet here u are…**

**EE- …with us…**

**AA- …and talking…**

**Gaara- can u guys stop that, that's creepy!**

**EE- No…**

**DD- …we can not…**

**AA- …stop it…**

**Gaara- I MEAN IT. UR WEIRDING ME OUT!!!!**

**Neji- sigh Please review!**


	16. A Random Thing

**EE- Hi! Sry this is not Christmas at Naruto's Part Three. I'm still working on that so I just wrote this because turns out Part Three will be harder than I thought. Sorry again!**

**DD- I know this is early, but PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!**

**Gaara- …**

**EE- Here is something random that I literally am making up as I go, I have no plan what so ever!**

**Neji- This'll be good…**

**EE- Shut up and let me write okay. And also, this chapter means nothing and proves nothing other than I guess I have too much free time but the isn't beside the point!**

**Neji- tries not to laugh**

**EE- ignores Neji here you go!**

_Random Stuff…_

Naruto ran as fast as he could back to Tsunade's office. He knocked on the door and Shizune opened it.

"Tsunade-samma," Naruto yelled, "I was taking a walk, _suspiciously _close to the sound village and I saw something truly amazing!"

Tsunade looked up. "And _what_ exactly would that be?" she asked.

"Guess!" Naruto shouted and began literally bouncing off the walls, "You have to GUESS!!!"

"Hmm," Tsunade said, irritated.

"Ooh, ooh, I LOVE this game!" Shizune exclaimed and began clapping excitedly.

"Okay," Tsunade said, "I'm going to guess that you saw the Sound Five playing _Dance Dance Revolution._"

"Nope!" Naruto laughed and kept bouncing.

"Oh, my turn!" Shizune yelled raising her hand, "I guess that you saw Oro and Kabuto doing each other's nails."

Naruto stopped bouncing for a while, "Yes actually I did see that, but that's not the amazing thing."

"Oh, darn!"

"WE DON'T FEEL LIKE FREAKING GUESSING ANY MORE SO JUST TELL US OR GO BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE!!!!" Tsunade screamed making every window in Konoha break.

"B-but, I already made everyone else guess!" Naruto said.

"And what did they say?" the Hokage asked.

"The same thing you did."

"Oh," Shizune said, " That must me why our windows kept breaking so much!"

"Just tell us then, Naruto." Tsunade sighed.

"Okay," he began, "but you will be soooooooooo surprised!"

"Now." Tsunade was starting to get pissed.

"I going, I going." Naruto said, "Okay I was just walking by this big cliff and then, I saw Sasuke in front of me!"

"And then?" Tsunade and Shizune asked in unison.

"He did, like, this drunken stagger and then HE FELL OFF THE CLIFF!" Naruto started bouncing again.

"Stop that!" Tsunade yelled about the bouncing, "It's really getting annoying!"

"But," Shizune said, "About the Sasuke thing, LET"S HAVE A PARTY!"

"HELL YEAH!!!" Naruto and Tsunade yelled, "TIME TO PAR-TAY!!!"

Suddenly disco and strobe lights came on and huge speakers appeared, playing really loud music.

"Hey!" Naruto yelled, "I never knew you have all this stuff! Whoa, you had a Deejay in your file closet?"

"Yep," Tsunade said, "I only use this stuff on special occasions, like Sasuke's death party!"

"WOO HOO!!" they yelled and started a dancing line.

Little did they know, that Sasuke's ghost was watching them.

"Why are they so happy? I was nice to everyone!" he complained.

"Hmm, says you." Said a voice behind him. He turned around and it was BOTON!!!!!! (A/N: She is the one girl who rides on an oar from Yu Yu Hakusho)

"Who are you?" Sasuke asked.

"I'm Boton, the Underworld's messenger," she said, "Feel free to bask in my glory!"

"What's that?" Sasuke asked, weirded out.

"Never mind." She said, "Come on, it's my job to show you how people are reacting to your death. Follow me."

They flew out of Tsunade's window and over to Sakura's house.

**Sakura's House**

Ino and all of the other fan girls were wearing black and eyeliner.

"Okay guys," Ino said, "We are going emo."

They rest just sniffled a response.

"See," Sasuke pointed out, "_Some _people actually miss me."

Suddenly Sakura came into the room, "Uh, what are you guys doing in my house?"

"Uh, um," Ino said, "Mourning Sasuke-kun's death."

That was a signal for the rest to start sobbing.

"Well do it somewhere else, okay?" Sakura demanded.

"Why, don't you miss Sasuke at all?"

"Hell no!" Sakura said, "He was a bitch!"

Everyone gasped, including Sasuke.

"But," Ino said, "You have to have something nice to say about him."

"Nope," Sakura said, "I'm glad he's dead, and hope he is somewhere where I will never have to see or talk to him again, if possible Hell."

All of the fan girls screamed and ran away.

"What?" Sasuke asked, "I was always especially nice to Sakura!"

"Shh," Boton hissed, "Pay attention!"

"Sasuke," Sakura said out loud, "If you can hear me, I would like to say that I'm over you, I'm going our with Gaara now and I can't believe I ever liked you. You were always a jerk to me. And Naruto too, not that I wasn't or anything, but you get the idea."

"Wha? Wha?" Sasuke was pretty much speechless.

"Oh yeah, and when I told you I loved you when you about to leave Konoha, that wasn't really me, it was Orochimaru disguising himself."

Sasuke was so creeped out that he had to leave. Next, they flew to the park were all of the guy genins were. And Hinata and Tenten.

"Wow," Shikamaru said, "Who would have thought that Sasuke would die so stupidly?"

"Me." Neji and Tenten said.

"He was freak." Hinata said, she never stuttered when she talked badly about Sasuke.

"Was he, like, retarded?" Kiba asked, "And Akamaru and I are, like, going to be vally-girls from, like, now on!"

"Arr, like, fff!" Akamaru barked, unnerving everyone with the 'like.'

"Isn't anybody other than those useless fan girls sad that I'm dead?!?!?!?!?" Sasuke shouted.

"Well, I wouldn't really know," Boton said, thinking, "But I'm would guess, no."

"Well, they just don't understand me!"

"Whatever, so do you want to move on now?"

"How do you do that?" Sasuke asked.

"Well, do you regret anything?" Boton asked, just trying to get rid of him.

"Well," Sasuke said as music came on, "I always wanted to be a ballet dancer!"

Boton fell over anime style.

"Well," she sighed, "Drastic time call for drastic measures." She pulled out her Ghost-Killing-Machine-Gun and shot Sasuke with it SO many times that he moved on.

_The End_

**DD- What**

**AA- The**

**Gaara- Heck?**

**EE- Way random, I know, but still, it's not THAT bad!**

**Gaara- yeah it is.**

**EE- Shut up, and PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!! And Christmas at Naruto's Part Three is coming soon, soon, SOON!!!!!**


	17. Christmas At Naruto's Part Three

**EE- this be chapter 17, coming 'atcha!**

**Neji- Creative, did u come up with that all by urself?**

**EE- Maybe…**

_Christmas at Naruto's Part Three…_

All of them were standing, trapped in Orochimaru's House, with no escape.

"Okay, guys!" Orochimaru exclaimed, "What should we do first, have a pillow fight or watch soap operas?"

Everyone twitched.

"Let's have a pillow fight, Oro-chan!" Kabuto yelled and grabbed a pillow.

"What do you think that damn password is?" Sakura asked, wincing as she got wacked with a pillow.

"Um… Sasuke-kun?" Naruto guessed.

"What?" Sasuke asked, thinking that Naruto was talking to him.

"Nope," Orochimaru giggled, "That's not it."

"Anyone got any ideas?" Tenten asked.

"Try bubblegum." Neji said, looking all serious and old.

**Neji- I do not look old!**

**EE- Yeah you kind of do, but I still love you!**

**Neji- sarcastic Gee, thanks!**

**EE- Yeah well, ur so cute and I lyk ur hair!**

**Neji- backs away I'm out of here!**

_Back to the Chapter…_

"Uh, bubblegum?" Tenten asked Orochimaru.

"Nope, that's not it either."

"Why bubblegum, Neji-kun?" Tenten asked confused.

"I just like bubblegum!" Neji said way OOC, and blew a huge bubble so when it popped, the whole room was covered in sticky pink goo.

"Oh no!" Sasuke screamed, "It got in my hair! My beautiful, conditioned, glossy hair!"

Just then Genma jumped in through the window and shouted, "Itachi, I'm YOUR FATHER!!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Itachi screamed.

"Does that make you my dad?" Sasuke asked.

"No," Genma said, "I got you at the 99 cent store, except you were on sale so you were actually only 67 cents."

"WHAT!" Sasuke yelled.

"That makes sense." Everyone else said.

"I am going to kill you, now." Itachi said to Genma.

"Fine, we can go into mortal combat with Pokemon!"

"That's not fair!" Itachi complained, "All of my Pokemon suck!"

"Well," Genma said back, "actually we'll be even because ALL Pokemon suck."

"True."

Then they all broke out into the Pokemon Theme Song.

"Wow, this is the most random day." Sakura said.

"Yeah," Naruto answered, "And I would like to let everyone know that I AM A FAN OF THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!"

"WOW ME TOO!"

And they ran off to the Village Hidden In Sesame Street, where they shot Big Bird with a machine gun and strangled Elmo with a huge lollipop. After that they started a Murder Club with O.J. Simpson, but that ended when they shot him too. Since then, they've had to go into hiding. Naruto is now known as Darth Vader and Sakura is really Donald Trump. She fires everyone who reminds her of Sasuke.

What happened to the rest who didn't escape Orochimaru's manicured clutches? They are still there, drowning in Neji's bubblegum, watching Orochimaru and Kabuto cry during soap operas, and listening to the sand sibs argue about make-up and eyebrows.

So, the moral of this chapter is to never do smoke, drink alcohol, or do drugs!

_The End_

**Neji- WTF?**

**DD- Please review, please tell us ur opinion of this chapter, because then we can hopefully make it better!**

**EE- Yeah, so until the next chapter, ja' ne!**


	18. Counseling Time!

**Before I write the next oneshot that hopefully will not have parts again, (sorry!) I would like to give you a quiz that I made myself!**

**Neji- sweatdrops**

**EE- It's called 'Are You a Donald Trump?'**

**ARE YOU A DONALD TRUMP?**

Choose either **a **or **b**. Remember **a**'s equal one point and **b**'s are two. Add up you points as you go.

You are obsessed with a certain phrase.

a.) yesb.) no

You wear socks to bed.

a.) nob.) yes

You are a multi-billionaire.

a.) yesb.) no

You like the color yellow.

a.) nob.)yes

You often have dreams that you are being chased by a giant crab wearing docks.

a.) yesb.) no

You have tripped while going down stairs and knocked people in front over also.

a.) nob.) yes

If you have 6 – 8 points you ARE a Donald Trump, but if you have 9 – 12 you ARE NOT a Donald Trump. Thanks for taking the quiz! Here's chapter 18!!!!

Summary- Lee and Sakura are trying to counsel all of the anime bad guys pretty much. AND THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE LEESAKU!!!!!!!!!

_Counseling Time!..._

Sakura- Welcome everyone to this counseling group!

Lee- Sakura and I will be the counselors! Today we will be meeting with Orochimaru!

Orochimaru- I don't need this, you know.

Lee- That's what they all say! Don't worry, we're going to have a youthful time together!

Sakura- But enough of that, so Orochimaru, tell us about your childhood.

Orochimaru- Well, I was really cute and sweet!

Sakura- Okay, so why exactly did you go evil though?

Orochimaru- Because I was mad, mad that the next version of gameboy wasn't coming out until October 3rd!

Lee- October 3rd was months ago!

Orochimaru- WHAT!!!! Okay, I'll stop being evil, I got to go buy that game!

Orochimaru- runs out the door

Sakura- We are the best counselors, Lee!

Lee- That was actually pretty easy.

Sakura- Yeah, but so?

Lee- Never mind.

Sakura- Hmm. looks at list

Sakura- Next we have Itachi and Kisame!

Lee- You mean Scar-Face and Fish-Guy?

Sakura- Lee! We can't give our patients offending nick-names!

Lee- Why not? They're evil anyway!

Sakura- But we're trying to make them UN-evil!

Itachi- We are right here you know.

Sakura- Oh, hey there! Heh, heh…

Lee- Okay, yeah…

Kisame- Let's just get this over with!

Sakura- Uh huh, so why did you leave the Mist Village?

Kisame- I'm too embarrassed to say.

Lee- Don't worry, ALL information is confidential! Hides hidden microphone (A/N: I got this script 'cause I stole the transcript recording from Lee!)

Kisame- No, I really can't say it, you'll laugh. It's the stupidest reason in the world.

Sakura- So are you sorry you left?

Kisame- Hell no, I left because I thought my name sounded like some kind of chocolate candy bar!

Lee- Kisame doesn't sound like candy, it sounds like a company the makes refrigerators!

Sakura- Lee!

Kisame- If you pronounce it like Kiss-a-mee, it does!

Sakura- Oh, I get it, it's like those Hershy's Kisses or something!

Kisame- Yeah, that's it!

Lee- And I think I know how to fix your problem!

Kisame- How?

Sakura- Yeah, how?

Lee- All you have to do is change your name to Boris!

Boris- Holy Crap! You're right, I'm cured!

Sakura- Okay, uh, Boris, you can go now if you want to.

Boris- Thank you! Thank you! skips out the door

Lee- Okay, your turn, Itachi!

Itachi- You're just wasting your time, you'll never get me un-evil.

Sakura- That's what you think, but really, we've already gotten Kisame and Orochimaru to switch!

Itachi- They're just posers.

Sakura- Why did you kill your clan and leave Konoha?

Itachi- I left because if I stayed I'd be arrested.

Sakura- For what?

Itachi- For murdering my clan, you idiot-girl!

Sakura- What who your calling an idiot!

Lee- Break it up guys, but why, Itachi?

Itachi- Because, I wanted to test my strengths.

Sakura- Um, Itachi, we're not as stupid as Sasuke, we're not going to believe that!

Lee- Hey, Itachi, open you mouth so we can see your teeth.

Sakura- Huh?

Itachi- Opens mouth

Lee- Just as I suspected.

Sakura- What?

Lee- I'm sorry, I just like keeping people in suspense!

Sakura- LEE! TELL US NOW OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS INTO THE MIDDLE OF NEXT WEEK AND THEN NEXT WEEK WHEN I FIND YOU, I'LL KICK YOUR ASS INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE _NEXT _WEEK, AND SO FORTH UNTIL EITHER YOU DIE OR THE WORLD ENDS! YOU GOT THAT?

Itachi- That was very creative.

Sakura- Thanks.

Lee- Fine, Itachi, you killed your clan because your parents were going to make you get braces.

Itachi- Damn, you figured it out! The braces would have ruined the way I look, so I killed my parents, and then I killed everyone else in the Uchiha clan because they might make me get braces also.

Sakura- But you left Sasuke alive because he was younger and couldn't make you go to the orthodontist.

Itachi- Yeah.

Sakura- Sorry, Lee, but this one's mine. I've got it!

Lee- Shoot.

Sakura- Why don't you just get invisaline?

Itachi- Invisaline?

Sakura- It is that clear thing that you put over your teeth that act like braces but you can't see it?

Itachi- Oh yeah.

Lee- Okay, go and get invisaline and ALL of your problems are solved!

Itachi- Yeah, I'm going to the orthodontist right now! walks out door

Sakura- Hell yeah! We so rock!

Lee- Let's see, next we have Gaara.

Sakura- You mean that one emo kid?

Lee- Yeah, him.

Gaara- Usually I would have killed you both by now.

Sakura- What's stopping you now?

Gaara- Hmmm, okay maybe not _you _but probably that eyebrow kid.

Lee- You're just jealous because you don't even have eyebrows!

Gaara- Am not.

Lee- Yes you are, and if you really want eyebrows like mine, just draw them on.

Gaara- Why the hell would I want eyebrows like you?

Sakura- Enough, okay?

Gaara- Fine.

Lee- Fine.

Gaara- FINE.

Lee- FINE.

Sakura- This is ridiculous.

Lee- Yeah, so Gaara, why are you so emo?

Gaara- Why would I tell you?

Sakura- Please, Gaara. puts on puppy dog eyes Please?

Gaara- Fine, it's all Yoshimaru's fault.

Sakura- so if Yoshimaru dies, you'll feel better?

Gaara- Yoshimaru's been dead for years.

Sakura- Okay, why don't you go and spit on the grave, or something?

Gaara- That won't help, I've been so mad all these years because I lost my teddy bear and Yoshimaru wouldn't help me look for it.

Lee- Ohhh, so if we find this teddy bear, you'll be less emo and stuff?

Gaara- I guess.

Sakura- Well, how would we find it? It's all the way in Suna.

Lee- Not a problem, I can just get my good friend Harry Potter to do that summon-thing and it will come to us.

Sakura- !

Harry Potter- _Acio _Gaara's teddy bear! Waves wand

Sakura- OMG! It's working!

Harry Potter- Of course it is.

Lee- Uh oh.

Sakura- Not good.

Gaara- Heh, heh.

**Thousands and thousand of teddy bears come crashing through the windows and everyone is waist deep in teddy bears.**

Sakura- You idiot! Grabs Harry's collar What the hell did you do?!

Harry Potter- chokes Help!

Lee- Um, Gaara, is any of these yours?

Gaara- Um, yeah, they're all mine.

Sakura- Drops Harry on ground So problem solved, right?

Lee- Uh, not exactly…

Sakura- What do you mean?

Lee- How are we going to get out of here?

Sakura- SHIT!

Gaara- …

Harry Potter- rubs very sore neck

_The End_

**Neji- WTF?**

**EE- I don't know, I'm still trying to figure that out myself.**

**DD- Please review!!!!**


	19. When Gaara Sleeps

**EE- I would like to say that we got a WONDERFUL idea from a WONDERFUL reviewer (you all are!)**

**DD- Yup, and we intend on posting that chapter/oneshot-thingy as soon as possible!**

**EE- But until then, we will post this. Think of it as a filler-sort-of-thing. We will try to make it as bearable as possible.**

**DD- By the way, KISA UCHIHA gave us the idea and we'd like to say thanks and you rock!**

**EE- Ditto. Please show mercy on our souls for taking so long.**

**DD- Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW!!!**

_When Gaara Sleeps..._

Temari sat up and yawned. She had gotten a great night's sleep and was fully energized. She stretched and swung her feet over the bed and went to brush her teeth, wash her face, 'cause you know, acne is not cool.

"Hey, Gaara!!" Temari later yelled, running to catch up, "Kankurou!!"

"Gaara," Kankurou was saying, "Why do you have that black stuff around your eyes, I mean, Temari and I have tried to wash it off while you were meditating, so it can't be eyeliner…"

"You _what?!?!?!?!?_" Gaara asked, not exactly keeping his cool, and being WAY OOC.

"N-nothing!" Kankurou gulped as Temari glared, "Nothing a-at all!"

"If I find you guys are going in my room during my meditation hours, I'm going to…"

"Glare at us until we melt?" Temari offered, making Gaara glare.

"No, I'll take away that break I said I'd give you."

"YOU WOUDN'T!!" They both said, jaws dropping.

"Oh yes, I would."

"B-but, Gaara-nii-chan, that's the weekend that we're going with that girl Tenten on a road trip across the country, and we were going to be smashed the entire ride." Temari moaned.

"Yeah," Kankurou said, "I even bought a whole bunch of beer and stuff."

"I have one question," Gaara said, "What makes you two think you're going to get away with that?"

"Hmmm, well, it's funny you should ask that, because…"

"Never mind, I don't want to know." Gaara said interrupting him.

"Are you sure?" Temari asked, "It happens to involve gingerbread houses!"

"Yes, I am sure." Gaara said, sighing.

"So…" Kankurou said, "Why _are _your eyes like that, anyway?"

"You dumbass." Temari muttered under her breath. Oh, by the way, their walking to the Kazkage Tower, ya know, where Gaara works?

"Because, I don't sleep." Gaara answered simply.

"We knew that." Temari scoffed, "Why's that?"

"Yeah, why?" Kankurou asked.

"Hey, Kankurou." Gaara said, "Talk to me again and I'll sing the pokemon theme song and kill you."

Kankurou gulped. "And I don't sleep ever because well…"

"Go on." Temari said, now extremely interested.

"Well, you know, ever since I lost that teddy bear, I could never sleep."

Kankurou started laughing his head off and Gaara broke into the whole,_ 'I Wanna Be the Best' crap_ and Kankurou scream painfully.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he yelled, covering his ears.

"I was like five, okay? Little kids can't sleep without teddy bears."

"…"

"Also, I would have terrible visions of him lost in a forest and stuff, so I couldn't ever get to sleep."

"OMG. What's that?" Kankurou asked, pointing at something blowing in the wind, before it hit a pole, and sat there, propped up against it.

"I thought you weren't talking!" Gaara said irritated, he'd rather not sing the pokemon theme again, people were staring.

"Whoa, what _is _that?" Temari asked, as Kankurou cowered from Gaara.

"IT"S MY TEDDY!!!" Gaara screamed, running and hugging it. Oh yeah, and people were staring when he was singing…

"Is it really?" Temari asked.

"I guess so," Kankurou answered, "How'd he recognize it?" Temari just shrugged.

The very next morning, Temari woke up, yawned, stretched, blah, blah, blah, the whole acne thing.

"Hey, Gaara!" she yelled, running to catch up, "Kankurou!"

"You look really different, Gaara." Kankurou said, backing away.

"Why are you scared, dearest brother of mine?" Gaara asked with a sweet smile. Yeah, peops, you _did_ read that right.

"Holy shit!" Temari screamed, "Gaara, you're scaring me!" She also, noticed that the black marks around his eyes were gone.

"Whoa, did you _sleep _last night?" she asked, scared of the answer.

"The best sleep of my life, and I just feel so happy I want to SING!" he said into the wind, doing the I'm-the-king-of-the-world stance.

His sister however, was doing the No-you-ain't-foo stance. Kankurou was just cowering more.

"NO, silly!" Gaara giggled, "Not the pokemon theme, a _happy _song!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Kankurou screamed and ran away as fast as he could.

"Gaara," Temari said, shaking her head, "I have one thing to say to you, before I go and stop Kankurou from committing suicide."

"What's that, sweet sister of mine?" Gaara even flashed a smile, making Temari shudder.

'_Never thought I'd say this, but…' _she thought, "Put on some eyeliner, NOW."

**EE- Yes, very random, indeed.**

**DD- Seriously, and thank you AA for the idea!**

**AA- Someone say my name?**

**EE- No, and PLEASE REVIEW!!! IF YOU REVIEW GAARA WILL MAKE YOU A CHERRY PIE, AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE CHERRIES, THEN IT WILL BE AN APPLE PIE, AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE APPLES, THEN JUST SAY WHAT KIND OF PIE YOU WANT IN THE REVIEW!!!!**

**DD- Thanks, and KISA UCHIHA's idea will be done soon!!**


	20. Skiing With Naruto

**EE- Kay, dudes, thank you so much for reviewing, everyone. This is the idea given to us by KISA UCHIHA, and we thanks to her too.**

**DD- Yeah, and don't pelt us with tomatoes because this took so long to update, save that for Neji-kun here…**

**Neji- Wha-?**

**EE- You heard her, TOMATOE TIME FOR YOU, HYUUGA!!!!!**

**Neji- I will not ask. I will assume I am dreaming or that EE and DD have suffered from serious head injuries recently…**

**DD- Oh, shut up!**

**EE- I thought you were trying to curve your language, for your summer job.**

**DD- Oh, like you can talk, you wrote THIS.**

**EE- Good point. Guilty as charged.**

**DD- Well, here it is, you're all probably bored…**

_Why Shinobi Don't Ski…_

It was pretty much a normal day, Naruto was being a psychotic orange monkey, Sasuke and Neji were having sticks up their asses, and etc. That's when they were called to Tsunade's office.

Except for the fact that Akamaru had made a DEEP puddle of piss all over the stairs.

"God damn it, this is all your fault, dumbass!" Naruto yelled at Kiba, who yelled back and they got into a fight.

When they finally got to the Hokage's office, they were all pretty annoyed.

"Okay, I have something to tell you all," Tsunade said, "and NO, it's not that I'm any of your guy's father, I'm a fucking woman!" she added that part when she saw what kind of expressions some certain people were giving her. **(EE- Hint, hint, Naruto, hint, hint.)**

"Or are you?" Naruto asked as Tsunade punched him so he went through the wall, screaming, "Tsunade-baa-chan is secretly a man!!!"

"No, I'm not!' She yelled back, "Besides, you're a fucking fox, and that's just as bad,"

"What do you want?" Shikamaru asked, "This is way to troublesome to stand here and watch you yell at Naruto."

"Right," Tsunade said, calming down, "I was _going _to say that some you guys have been working pretty hard lately." She glared at Naruto who had just climbed back up through the window.

"What do you mean, _some_?" he asked.

"Shut up, I mean some because some people like you have not been doing shit, so maybe if I give you this break you'll be less of a lazy ass retard." She also looked at Shikamaru when she said this.

"Cha!" Naruto screamed, "I get a break, nice seeing you all, off to Ichiraku for me!"

"You're not going anywhere, I'm letting you go to a ski resort, so go pack, the bus will be here soon."

"I'm not going," Sasuke said.

"Me neither, way to troublesome." Shikamaru added.

"When I said, I was _letting _you go, I meant _making _you go." The Hokage said smirking.

"There's no way you're making me go." Shikamaru said.

"Hn." Sasuke said in agreement.

"Okay, fine, don't go, but then you'll be assigned a D-rank mission."

"I'M GOING!!!" Naruto screamed, "NO FUCKING D-RANK MISSION FOR NARUTO THE GREAT!!!!!!"

"Naruto shut it."

"Well, what's the mission?" Shikamaru asked, weighing his options.

"Doing Jiraiya's laundry for a month."

"WHAT? I don't even want to _know _what he has to scrub off his sheets!" Shikamaru exclaimed.

"YOU DISGUSTING OLD HAG!!!" Naruto screamed.

"I'm in." Sasuke said, eyes closed.

"Same here." The lazy ninja said, sighing.

"Yeah," Tsunade sighed, "I figured that much. Now off you go!"

**Ski Resort…**

Since there were only two open rooms, they kind of had to double up. Team 10 and team 7 were in one, and team 8 and Gai's team were in the other.

**I, the brilliant author of this story, (AKA EE) am interrupting this scene to tell you something that I think is shocking people.**

**Okay, I was just looking at random stories here on Fanfiction and I decided to play this game I do where I just pick to random characters, and then hit go to see if they actually have a story with them in a couple. It's pretty fun.**

**Guess what, people? _They have a story with Sakura and Jiraiya together as a couple!!!!!!_ **

**I know, what has the world come to? Okay, on with whatever the heck I was writing…**

"Hey, Naruto," Shikamaru said, "What the heck are you reading?" They were all in the room, unpacking and shit.

"I didn't know you could read." Sakura and Ino said.

"Well, I can, and…." He trailed off, "OH MY FUCKING GOD, THIS BOOK SAYS THAT SANTA LIVES HERE!!'

"Where?" Ino asked, confused ever so slightly.

"HE LIVES IN THE NORTH POLE!! AND THIS PLACE IS THE NORTH POLE BECAUSE THERE'S ALL THIS SNOW!!'

"Naruto. Wait." Sakura said, but he was gone. They all looked at the book Naruto had dropped. It was called, "Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer" It was just a book for kids.

"We got to find him, guys!" Sakura said.

"Yeah before he scares away some kid."

**Somewhere Else in the Resort…**

"Okay, Mr. Very-Rich-Dude." The resort owner said, "Ill give you a tour."

**(EE- Shut up about the name, it's the best I can do, I'm feeling lazy.)**

**Back to Naruto, Sakura, Ino, and Shikamaru…**

They were all chasing Naruto, when he turned around a bend in the mountain that kind of looked like Paris Hilton. They kept running. A few seconds later, he came running back.

"POLAR BEAR!!" he screamed and it took about four more seconds before Sakura, Ino and Shikamaru started running in the opposite directions too, all being chased by the polar bear. And where was Choji when this was al happening? I seriously don't even know, heh, heh.

"Naruto, you baka!" Sakura screamed.

**With the Crappy Name Guy…**

"And this, is our famous mountain that we call Mount Paris Hilton." The owner said, driving the golf cart.

Mr. Very-Rich-Dude nodded.

"Hey, what's _that?" _he asked, pointing at something that looked like four kids, one with pink hair, two with blonde, and one with black, being chased by a polar bear.

"Um, that's just nothing."

"_NARUTO, YOU BAKA!!!" _they heard.

The bear was catching up and had already gored Shikamaru. Ino screamed.

"_IT'S OKAY, GUYS" _the yellow haired kid screamed, "_SANTA WILL SAVE US_!!"

"Who the heck is that?" Mr. Very-Rich-Dude asked as he started to choke.

"Just some kids."

"_LOOK, THERE'S SOMEONE!" HELP!!"_

"_NO!! DON'T BRING THAT POLAR BEAR OVER HERE!!" _the owner yelled. Too late though.

Long story short, the polar bear attached Mr. Very-Rich-Dude.

"This is a disgrace!" he shouted and left, in his 24 stretched limos of every color of the rainbow.

"Whoa," Naruto said, "That dude had really colorful cars, is he a hippy?"

"ALL OF YOU OUT, NOW!!" the owner screamed, "YOU LOST ME THAT RICH GUY AS A CUSTOMER!!!"

"I'm not going anywhere until I see Santa!"

**In Tsunade's Office…**

"YOU WHAT!!" she screamed.

"Calm down, it was just a polar bear." Naruto said.

"Yeah, just." Shikamaru muttered, all wrapped in bandages.

"Not to mention that you got us thrown out too!" Kiba yelled.

"I'm sorry, jeez." Naruto sighed.

"Well," Tsunade said slyly, "Since you're all back so early, I'm afraid I'll have to assign you that D-rank mission."

"NARUTO!!!!" Everyone screamed.

And for the second time that day, Naruto found himself being punched out the window.

**With Mr. Very-Rich-Dude…**

Mr. Very-Rich-Dude was sitting in front of his house of may colors, smoking.

Akamaru walked by, because Kiba had left him at the ski resort.

"Little dog, get high with me!"

_The End_

**EE- This story is courtesy of KISA UCHIHA.**

**Neji- Please review, also you can still get pie from Gaara if you review.**

**Gaara- I'm not making pie.**

**EE- That's what you think. **Gives Gaara a list

**Gaara- What? How are we going to make 2,684 pies in two days?**

**EE- Uh, IDK.**

**Neji- Idiots.**


	21. Pickles

**EE- YAY!! Guess what, readers-that-I-love-more-then-life-itself?**

**Neji- Get on with it!**

**EE- I got OVER 4,000 hits for this story as of chapter 20.**

**Neji- Shut it, get to the story.**

**EE- Let me celebrate, jeez.**

**Neji- nobody wants to watch you celebrate so get writing!**

**EE- Fine, thank you all!**

_Chapter 21…_

"Ugh," Sakura muttered, "I can't open this stupid pickle jar."

"Oh, I'll help you." Naruto said and took the jar from her.

Minutes later, the jar was still unopened. Naruto and Sakura both lay on the ground panting.

"Why do evil upper powers make evil jars like this?" Naruto screamed throwing the jar on the ground, but it didn't break.

"You mean the pickle company?" Sakura asked.

"YES!" he yelled, "THE PICKLE COMPANY!!!"

"What are you screaming about?" Sasuke asked, walking in on the scene.

"This jar pf pickles won't open." Sakura said, picking up the jar.

Sasuke tried to open it. But it still wouldn't budge.

Just then, a fly landed on the lid of it. It suddenly opened with a _pop._

"DUMB PICKLES!!" Naruto screamed.

"Mmm." Sakura said, eating a pickle.

"Oh, I want one!" Naruto exclaimed, grabbing one for himself.

"Do you want one Sasuke?" Sakura asked.

"No, I'm allergic." He said, as his teammates exchanged glances.

Suddenly they stuffed the entire jar in Sasuke's mouth.

"Mmmph!"

Sakura and Naruto suddenly realized that they had made a bad mistake. Sasuke had turned all puffy and green, and had a bunch of wart-looking bumps on him. He looked exactly like a giant pickle.

"MUST KILL!" he roared.

"AHHH, no, Sasuke!" Sakura screamed as she and Naruto ran.

They ran through the streets screaming, "GIANT PICKLE!!! RUN!!!"

They ran into Shikamaru, Ino, and Choji. "OMG, Sasuke-kun, is that you!" Ino screamed and committed suicide.

"Finally, troublesome woman." Shikamaru sighed.

"Why are you guys freaking out so much?" Choji asked, and picked up Sasuke and ate him.

"Umm.." Naruto and Sakura said, "That was Sasuke…"

"Cannibalism!" Naruto screamed.

"Technically," Shikamaru said, "It's not cannibalism, since Sasuke was a pickle."

"Now I know why they call you the smart one, that's why you became chuunin." Naruto said, hearts in his eyes.

"Of course I am." Shikamaru bragged.

They all looked around.

Pickle juice.

Sasuke's green remains.

Ino's dead body.

"So…" Shikamaru said, "Now what?"

"Uh, anyone want a pickle?" Sakura asked, holding out her jar.

_The End._

**EE- YAY!!! PICKLES!!!**

**DD- CHA!**

**Gaara- Still baking here.**

**Neji- review!**


	22. Lee's Gourmet Dumpling of Youth Party

**EE- Okay, guys, here we go…**

_Chapter 22…_

**EE- OMG, this is chapter 22! NO WAY!!**

**Neji- Way to state the obvious.**

**EE- Shee- sorry, Oh, I'm listening to my theme song!**

**DD- You realize you have like fifty theme songs?**

**EE- So what? You do too!**

**Neji- (sighs)**

**EE- Well, I'm listening to "Famous Last Words" by MCR, for anyone who doesn't know.**

_Chapter 22 This Time No interruptions, coughEEcough!_

One day, Lee decided that his destiny was to become the best gourmet chef in Konoha. He made a whole bunch of dumplings of youth and invited everybody over to taste them.

**3 way phone conversation with Tenten and Neji:**

**Tenten- **Lee, there's no way were eating at your house, do REMEMBER what happened last time?

**Neji- **Tenten, you realize that was your fault?

**Tenten- **Impossible, nothing is EVER my fault!

**Lee- **Come on my youthful teammates, I talked Naruto into it and he's bringing his team AND Hinata's.

**Neji- **You mean both Naruto and Hinata will be there?

**Tenten- **Does anyone besides me sense where this is going?

**Lee- **Now, Neji, don't get ahead of yourself…

**Neji- **(interrupts) I'm coming. No way Fox Boy is going to be there with Hinata…

**Tenten- **(interrupts also) Cool it, Hyuuga! You're not going, because I said so. Lee, you dumbass!

**Lee- **Um, sorry?

**Neji- **You can't tell me what to do, Tenten! I am going to Lee's Gourmet Dumpling of Youth Party, and none of you can do anything about it!

**Tenten- **Never thought I'd hear that.

**Lee- **Great, I'll set another plate out, are you sure you don't want to come, Tenten?

**Tenten- **Like hell I am, if I don't go, murder will be committed!

**Neji- **I don't know what you're talking about.

**Tenten- **Yes you do. Lee, I'm coming as Neji's handler. But don't put out a plate for me, thanks.

**Lee- **You don't even want miso soup?

**Tenten- **Well, heh, heh, maybe just a little…. (Yeah, pretend Tenten has this thing for miso soup, kay?)

**Lee- **Great, we'll have a youthful time!

**Tenten- **Yeah, sure.

**Lee- **(hangs up)

**Tenten- **Neji?

**Neji- **Yeah?

**Tenten- **Can you promise me something?

**Neji- **What?

**Tenten- **Don't do anything to Naruto. Please, for me?

**Neji- **(hangs up)

**Tenten- **Damn!

**At Lee's Gourmet Dumpling of Youth Party…**

"These dumplings are disgusting. You need to add way more sugar, Fuzzy Eyebrows!" Naruto shouted, spitting chewed dumpling out.

"Yeah, you don't have cooking skills, Lee." Tenten said as she downed a glass of water.

"At least I tried, so that makes me even more youthful than ever!" Lee shouted and did a pose.

"What a waste of time." Naruto said, "Come on, Hinata. Let's go to Ichiraku."

"You're not going anywhere with my cousin, Fox!" Neji said, stopping them.

"What he means to say," Tenten said, standing in front of Neji, "Is that he wants you guys to know that he fully supports you 100 percent!"

"Gee, thanks, Neji." Naruto said stupidly, "We'll be going now."

"Hey, guys?" Sakura asked, "Is it just me or is the room suddenly growing?" They all realized she was right, the room was growing, bigger and bigger. The furniture was growing too.

"Either that or we're…" Tenten started.

"OMFG, we're shrinking!" Sakura screamed for them all.

After a couple seconds they were all about two and a half feet tall. Not only that, but they were all toddlers.

"Holy crap!" Tenten said freaking out, "I'm a fucking four year old!"

"Lee!" Sakura screamed so loud the windows shattered, "What the hell was in those disgusting dumplings of yours?"

"Um, youth?" he answered timidly.

"Try to stay calm!" Tenten said.

"We have to fix this," Kiba said, "I don't want to be a four year old!"

(Okay, just so you know, it's Neji, Tenten, Lee, Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Hinata, Kiba, and Shino that is here.)

"…" Both Sasuke and Shino said.

"I'll go to the library and research a way to turn ourselves back." Sakura said, being the smart one.

**Library**

"Little girl, go away. No kids aloud." The doorman said.

"Shove it up your ass, this is a public area!" Four-year-old Sakura yelled.

"Do even know how to read?"

"Of course I can fucking read. Now let me though!"

"I'm sorry, I can't." he said.

"You better watch your ass!" she threatened and stormed away.

"What a nice little girl."

**Random Street in Konoha**

"I bet Gai-sensei will know how to reverse it!" exclaimed the toddler-Lee.

"He'd better," The toddler-Neji said, "I'm not going to live practically my entire life over!"

Lee, Neji, and Tenten were walking down the street looking for Gai since he wasn't in his house. Suddenly a creepy looking guy walked up to the trio.

"You kids seem awfully young to be on your own, are you lost?" he asked doing a creepy smile.

"Up yours!" Neji said, glaring.

"You're all just so adorable. What's your name, little girl?" he asked. Tenten looked freaked out. Then again, who wouldn't be? Neji, on the other hand, didn't like how he was looking at Tenten. His glare got narrower.

"Back off, pervert, or you'll be sorry you ever messed with us!"

"But you're only four." The guy sneered. Neji tried to activate his byuukugan and focus chakra to his palms, but he only had the power of a toddler. Let's just say it didn't work out.

"ASSHOLE!" Tenten screamed, whacking him with one of her scrolls, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM US!"

That pretty much scared him away, that and Neji's glare. "Child molesters scare me!"

"They scare everybody, Tenten."

**With Naruto and Hinata**

"I'm sorry, but you and your sister have to come back with a parent." The Ichiraku guy said.

"Are you stupid? It's me, Naruto, and Hinata-chan isn't my sister! We look nothing alike!" Naruto screamed, pounding on the table.

**With Sasuke**

Off brooding in some corner.

**With Shino and Kiba**

"I love the petting zoo!" Kiba exclaimed. Yes, they are both in a petting zoo.

"…" Was Shino's reply.

"I love the sheep, I love the miniature ponies, I love the…" Kiba was cut off.

"What?" Shino asked.

Kiba said nothing. By now they had walked out of the petting zoo section of the zoo, and into the regular zoo. He was staring at a cage straight ahead of him. The wolf cage. He instantly ran to it and began to cry.

"The poor wolves! Don't worry, I'll get you out of here!!!" he yelled.

**Five minutes later**

Both boys were running for their lives through the zoo which was now completely in turmoil.

"Why'd you have to set all of the vicious animals loose?" Shino demanded as they ran. So far, Kiba had set free the wolves, the tigers, the cheetahs, and not to mention a king cobra.

"Wait a second, Shino." Kiba said, "I forgot the polar bears!" He started running the other way.

Shino stopped and stared after his teammate. He was right next to a giant ant farm behind glass. His eyes twitched behind his glasses.

**Back with Neji, Tenten, and Lee, who met up with Naruto and Hinata**

"Damn, if I don't get my normal body back I'll…" Naruto was ranting.

"Shh." Hinata interrupted, "I th-think I hear s-s-something."

They all listened quietly and there was in fact a noise you don't usually hear. It sounded like a whole bunch of escaped zoo animals, 133 zookeepers, and a couple pissed off visitors all chasing two four year old boys.

"Please show mercy!" the one resembling Kiba screamed.

"Is that Kiba and Shino?" Naruto asked.

"I believe so." Neji said.

"Come on Hinata, I'll save you!" Naruto yelled grabbing Hinata's hand.

"Don't touch my cousin, sicko!" Neji screamed and punched Naruto so hard he flew thirty feet backwards.

"Neji, what the hell was that for?" Tenten screamed, "Hinata can make her own decisions!" She punched Neji equally as hard.

"KING COBRA!!!!" Lee squealed and jumped. Unfortunately, Kiba and Shino had ran right in their directions, so the whole scene is now a mass propaganda of elephants, tigers, polar bears, king cobras, seven four year olds, and an 800 pound gorilla.

"Neji!" Tenten whimpered, "I'm scared of gorillas!"

"Back, your evil fiend!" Neji yelled, throwing a kunai at it.

**EE- Okay, I'll stop it here. See ya for chapter 23!**

**DD- Please review!!!**


	23. Part Two of LGDOYP

**EE- Alright, I'm pumped!**

**Neji- Oh God.**

**EE- Okay, since I'm so energized, I'm updating, go me!**

**Neji- …**

**EE- Thank you and good night.**

_Chapter 23…_

They were all sitting in Tsunade's office, all except Sasuke. But he's so silent all the time anyway no one noticed.

"You guys are in BIG trouble." Tsunade said grinning evilly. They all gulped.

"Kiba and Shino for setting free all those animals, Sakura for cussing out innocent doormen, Lee for creating a public disturbance, and Neji, for killing a gorilla."

"For once Naruto didn't do anything, Hinata is fine, and Tenten, you are in trouble for being an accomplice in this gorilla killing spree."

"Hey, that thing was asking for it." Tenten protested.

"I don't care, and about your um… condition…" the Hokage trailed off.

"Do you know how to turn us back?" everyone except Shino and Neji exploded.

"No. What made you think that?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Can't you try?" Sakura pleaded.

"Well, consider this your punishment, to stay four years old forever."

"What, you mean we won't get any older?" Tenten asked, eyes wide.

"I did some research and what Lee put in the dumplings and miso was really some chemical."

"LEE, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AND THEN BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE AND THEN KILL YOU AGAIN!!!" Tenten leaped out of her chair, and began to chase Lee around the office, shouting and using very colorful language.

"Can you please try?" Sakura asked Tsunade again, "Please, we'll give you Naruto."

"If you keep Naruto I will." She yelled, freaked out and ran to go research.

"Well, lets just stay here then." Sakura said, but no one heard her because Neji was trying to keep Tenten from killing Lee, Kiba and Naruto were having an argument, and Akamaru was biting Shino on the leg. Oh, and Hinata had fainted long ago.

**Two Hours later**

Tsunade ran back into her office. Or what was left of it. "What the hell were you guys doing in here?" she screamed.

Her desk was overturned, Lee's blood was splattered everywhere and kunai's where lodged into the walls and the windows were broken. No, Tenten did not kill Lee, just injured him luckily. No to mention the puddles of piss left by Akamaru. Papers were everywhere.

"Did you find a way?" Sakura asked.

"What? I was out gambling and drinking sake. Why?"

"NO!!! I will not be a toddler any more!" She screamed and turned to leave.

"Where are you going?" Naruto asked.

"I'm going to drink some sake."

"I'm coming too!"

**Bar**

"Are you sure you guys are twenty-one?" the bartender asked. Luckily for them, he happened to be blind.

"Yeah, besides, there isn't even a drinking age in Konoha." Kiba lied.

"Whoa, you're right. Here, have another beer."

**List of how smashed they are:**

**Kiba- 100 drunk**

**Lee- 100 drunk**

**Naruto- 92 pretty much gone**

**Sakura- 67 shouldn't be driving**

**Neji- 45 not doing smart things**

**Tenten- 20 mostly sober**

**Hinata- 0 didn't drink anything**

"Hey, look there's Gaara…" Naruto was cut off when he threw up.

"Hey, guys, over here!" they had all forgotten in their drunken stupor that they were still four year olds.

"Do we know those kids?" Temari asked.

"Hey, that one looks like Naruto, and that's that dude, Kiba, and that Lee kid." Kankuro pointed.

"Why are they like four?" Gaara asked.

"Well, you never know with these kinds of people."

_The End_

**EE- Sorry everyone, this chapter is so dumb, I'm sorry! Also, I give you all pie, freshly made by Gaara here!**

**Gaara- I spent all day today and yesterday baking!**

**EE- Because we told you to.**

**Gaara- I hate you all. I'm not baking anymore.**

**EE- Yes, you are, do it for DD!**

**DD- Please, Gaara, I love you!**

**Gaara- Fine, but I want a new teddy bear!**


	24. Team 10's Outer Space Adventure

**EE- This chapter is something I actually wrote for school, but I put the Naruto characters in it instead. I'll probably get like a _D _or an _F, _but who cares? I also decided to do this with Team 10 because I have stuff with Team Gai, Team 8, and some with the sand sibs, but none with Team 10.**

**Disclaimer- Okay, anyone stupid enough out there to think that I own Naruto, I'm sorry…**

_Team 10's Outer Space Adventure…_

One day, Shikamaru, Ino, and Chouji got beamed up onto a spaceship. Except the spaceship actually looked more like a huge metal shark-whale-thingy.

"Stupid _James and the Giant Peach _rip offs!" Shikamaru yelled at the aliens. **(EE- You might remember in the movie _James and the Giant Peach _there is that huge metal shark. I seriously haven't seen that movie in like five years!)**

The aliens yelled back at him, but apparently they were big Michael Jackson fans, so it just sounded like singing.

"You freaks!" Ino screamed, "I need my make-up bag, and my nail filer, and _do you have a shower on this stupid ship???"_

They answered her Michael Jackson style. No, it wasn't by molesting her, she's a girl, and Michael Jackson only goes for the boys, kay?

Then, Chouji got mad because there were no potato chips, and started fighting the aliens. But the as it turns out, the aliens were just hollow metal structures, and it sounded kind of cool, so Chouji kept punching them for about two thousand years. After that, they decided to escape. They found a small door in the side of the ship. And there was Lee.

"Come, come and ride the Waterslide of Youth!" he yelled and opened the door, Shikamaru, Ino, and Chouji were sucked in. They rode the waterslide through space for about twelve thousand years, before it ended on the planet Xiquek.

"Where are we?" Ino asked. They all saw a huge mountain on the planet.

"I don't know but we must climb to the top of that impossibly huge mountain to have our problems solved." Chouji said.

After about eight thousand years of climbing, they finally reached the top. Then, they realized that they were in Fairy Tale Magic Land. All of the fairies there said that in order to get back to Konoha, they had to find the Fairy of Disco. So when Team 10 found her, she was playing _Dance, Dance Revolution _in her new gym and soft drink center.

"You need to send us home now, or else I'll never where make-up again, because those stupid fairies took any I had on me!" Ino screamed at her.

"In order to go you must…Play _Dance, Dance Revolution!" _

Since only two people can do it at a time, and there are three of them, they argued over who would do it, for about six thousand years before they finally played. Shikamaru lost.

But before they could even ask the Fairy of Disco to send them back, she killed them and drank their blood because she happened to be a vampire. Then, she through their bodies into the Lion Pit in her backyard. And that the story of how Team 10 became lion food.

_The End_

**EE- Yeah, I only did minor changes to the one I handed in to my teacher, obviously I left out the part about Michael Jackson molesting people. And the waterslide was just a waterslide, not the Waterslide of Youth.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!**


	25. The End

**EE- Okie-dokie nows, here is a super short, super stupid end to the whole 'they're all toddlers thwang,' kay?**

**DD- Ya and plz review!**

_The End…_

Okay, as soon as the sand sibs walked away in horror, Naruto realized something.

"Dudes!" he screamed, "I'm a flippin' blonde!"

"OMG!!!!!" Kiba screamed and began hyperventilating.

"OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD." Sakura said, eyes wide. Everyone looked at her. "What?" they all asked. Except Kiba who was too busy hyperventilating.

"We're all cured!" Tenten yelled, figuring it out, "We're all back to normal!"

Just then Tsunade appeared. "Oh, dude-guys, I just remembered, a cure for the whole turning into toddlers is cured when you get drunk of sake."

"Drink up, Hinata!" they all yelled pouring WAY too much sake down her throat. She sort of fainted. **(EE- Surprise, Surprise! Though don't get the wrong idea, I'm a HUGE Hinata fan.)**

"Well, we're all back now, so let's go party at Lee's house!" Neji and Tenten yelled.

**Lee's House**

"Hey!" Toddler-Sasuke yelled, coming out of his corner, "How'd you all get back?"

Unfortunately for poor Sasuke, they had all drank too much and didn't really hear is answer. And when they all woke up, sober but in massive hangovers, they didn't remember a single thing. Neither did Tsunade. So he was pretty much screwed and lived forever as a four year old.

_Da' End of Da' End._

**EE- Just so everyone knows, THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TOTALLY FAST AND AWFUL.**

**DD- But review anyway!**


	26. LlamaBob, Lingerie, and Mall Police

**EE- Okay, I got my grade back for chapter 24. (Yes, it was originally something I wrote for school, not using the Naruto characters.) I got a 13/15 or a **_**B**_**. I don't feel like trying to figure out the percent of it right now. Mrs. Lynch (the teacher for that class) took points off because I wouldn't read it aloud. Hey, I didn't want to, I was having a shy moment there.**

**EE- Also that and she said it had horrible plot sequence. Whatever. Okay, just thought I should tell you guys that. On with this chapter!!!!**

_Chapter 26…_

One day Llama-Bob was walking down the street. He was going to a pool party with all of his llama friends. He discovered he was thirsty.

"Oh well, I'll just go into this random house and get a glass of water." He said and walked into Naruto's house. We all know what kind of disastrous stuff happens there. (Refer to chapters 13, 14, 15, and 17).

Unfortunately, Naruto accidentally shot him with an imaginary machine gun. Yes, you can kill llamas with those.

"Shit," Naruto yelled, "There's a dead llama on the floor, not to mention it's bleeding all over the carpet."

Then, that's when all of Llama-Bob's llama friends from the pool party saw and started to fight Naruto. Naruto was fatefully killed by llamas that day.

**Uchiha Mansion**

"Hey, Sasuke! I love you!" Sakura and Ino screamed from outside.

"Shut up you pompous old windbags!" he yelled back.

"Sasuke, you have no idea how lame that was." Itachi said. Sasuke just stuck his tongue out at Itachi.

"Okay, Fangirls, accept Sasuke's sexuality, and Sasuke put your freaking tongue back in your mouth!" Itachi was glaring.

"Okay, if we can't have Sasuke…we love you!!!" they screamed and started drooling over the older Uchiha.

"What the heck? It's Gaara that needs an emo girlfriend."

**Mall**

"Okay, ladies!" Neji screamed, "Bra shopping!" Neji, Shino, Kiba, and Shikamaru were all at the Konoha Mall.

"I like the pink one!" Shikamaru squealed.

"Purple!" Kiba yelled.

"Pink!"

"Purple!"

"Pink!"

"Purple!"

"Pink!"

"Purple!"

"Pink!"

"Purple!"

"Pink!"

"Purple!"

"Pink!"

"Purple!"

"Pink!"

"Purple!"

"Pink!"

"Purple!"

"BLUE!!!!" Shikamaru yelled, interrupting them, "Light blue."

"Oh yeah, well I challenge you to a Shoulin Showdown!!!" Shino yelled.

"Bras unite!" Kiba added. Suddenly, the floor of the mall busted up and was just a bunch of circles you had to jump to.

"Okay," Shikamaru said, "The first one to Victoria's Secret wins!" Oh yeah, that and they were suddenly all wearing lingerie. Shika in light blue, Shino in pink, and Kiba in purple.

They jumped along, from stump to stump, trying not to get lost. They pretty much just left Neji standing there. "Oh well, time to get my eyebrows done!!" he yelled and skipped off in the other direction.

**The Shoulin Showdown**

In the food court, Kiba ran into the Panda Express, and was drowning in egg rolls. "Help!! Purple bras must live on!!"

"See ya, Sucker!" Shikamaru screamed, jumping on by.

Shino was sidetracked; he was staring at the sunglasses selection at Claire's. "OMG, they have pink!!"

So yes, in the end, Shikamaru did win, but only after he killed the mall police officer because Shoulin Showdowns aren't really allowed in malls.

"Blue bras win!!!" he screamed. Then the police brought reinforcements and tackled him to the ground. Lingerie and all.

"Hey everyone!" Itachi yelled, stepping into the scene, "I took your advice and got Botox Cosmetics! No more lines on my face, see?"

"Whoa, you look weird." Sasuke said.

Then the llamas came in and turned the mall into a pool.

"Llama pool party everyone!" the yelled.

Then the mall police arrested everyone because you aren't allowed to have Llama pool parties in the mall either.

_The End_

**EE- Please review!!!**

**DD- Yes, please!!**

**Neji- Shut up.**

**EE- Pretty please?**

**DD- With sugar and a cherry on top?**

**Neji- I said shut up.**

**DD- Fine.**

**EE- PLEASE!!!!!**

**Neji- Shut. Up.**

**EE- Okay, okay, sheesh!**


	27. Creepy Waitresses, Byakugan, and Other

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, never did, never will. **

**AN: I hope you like this, its just random stuff. O.o Oh yeah and this is not supposed to be well written, just fun to read.**

_Creepy Waitresses, Byakugan, and Other Random Crap…_

"Hey!" Sakura yelled one day, "I'm bored, LET'S GO OUT TO EAT!!!!!"

"OKAY!" everyone else, A.K.A Naruto, Sasuke, Tenten, Neji, Hinata, and Kiba, yelled.

**Restaurant**

The "restaurant" they had chosen was really actually a stripper-place with all that gross crap that I won't ven get into. Yeah, thank me in the review! No, you don't have too, anyway…

"This totally sucks!" Tenten sighed, all the girls nodded in agreement (A/N: Let's just assume none of them are lesbians, okay?)

"Whose idea was it to come here?" Sakura asked, sort of mad.

"Well, don't look at me!" Sasuke yelled, "I t_otally_ don't swing that way!"

"Well, there are something's we _totally _don't need to know!" Tenten said.

Then the waitress came with the bill. Naruto picked it up to look at it. His jaw dropped..

"NINETY-THOUSAND DOLLARS!?!?!?!?!?" he screamed.

"That's because it's all Kiba's fault with his damn "luxury dog food"!"

"Hey, Akamaru doesn't like any other kind!" Kiba yelled in defense.

"Oh-oh my gosh!" Hinata said, reading the label on the dog food, "Th-this must be wh-why Akamaru pees so m-much!"

"What is it?" Naruto asked.

"Th-there's all kinds of p-potassium which makes y-y-your bowel sort o-of well…"

"Lose control and let loose all the time." Sakura finished, being the medical expert.

"Y-yeah." Hinata agreed.

"Well, how are we going to pay this, you guys?" Neji asked.

"We could give them Sasuke!" Naruto suggested.

Everyone nodded as Sasuke started to freak out.

"Wait, no!" he yelled, "That's totally not fair!"

"Well Sasuke," Tenten said, "You got to take one for the team."

"NOOOOOOOO!!" he yelled as the waitress dragged him away, a scary look in her eye.

"Let's just go now." Neji said and everyone, even Akamaru, agreed.

Before they could leave though, they ran into Jiraiya, who obviously was here a lot.

"OMG!" they all yelled and ran out as fast as they could.

**Later**

"Phew! That was a close one!" they all said.

"Let's go now, and ponder the meaning of life!"

"Good idea, you know, I've been questioning my own faith lately!"

**Yet Even Later**

Then, everyone noticed that Neji was missing.

Okay, no, not missing. Just standing there like he was four seconds ago.

"Neji, where were you?" Tenten asked.

"No where."

"TELL ME!"

"It isn't your destiny to know that, Tenten."

**Later Yet Again**

Neji's Byakugan can see through trees, but can he see why kids love "Cinnamon Toast Crunch"?

Neji- Because they were destined to?

Kids- NO! Because there's swirls of cinnamon and sugar in every bite!

**Back To Whatever**

"Neji," Tenten said, "You know that the destiny crap is a really stupid punch line?"

"Shut up! I can't hear you!"

"You need to open your eyes and see the TRUTH!!!!"

"NEVER!!"

"Those people need serious counseling." Sasuke said, reappearing,

"You do too, though!"

"Shut up, I'm only emo because I'm an orphan!"

"So?" Naruto said, "I'm an orphan too."

"Yeah, me too." Gaara said.

"Oh, you're much better at handling that than me?" Sasuke yelled at him.

"Well, I ONLY WANT TO BE LOVED!!!" he shouted.

"GET HIM, GIRLS!!!" the fan girls shouted and Gaara ran away for his life.

"That's it!" Sasuke yelled, "I'm going to a counselor!"

**Later**

Sasuke walked into an office.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he ran out screaming.

"Sasuke-kun! Come back!" the waitress from before shouted chasing after him, "I'm your counselor!"

_The End…And a bag of Chips_

**EE- I'm super sorry for not updating for thousands and thousands of years, but please forgive me!!**

**Neji- …**

**EE- Please review also, even though I don't deserve it!!!**


	28. The Tragic Story of Bill

**EE- Before you read this next chapter, I'd like you all to know, -drumroll- that I'm sorry. Just sorry. You will hate me after this chapter.**

_The Tragic Story of Bill…_

I once knew a guy named Bill. One night, Bill went to a bar and had _too _many beers. And then he got so drunk that he changed his name to Joe.

And that is the tragic story of Bill.

Thank you.

_End Chapter_

**EE- Obviously, this is my dumbest yet. I blame writers' block. L8rz! If you're not seething mad at me, and are even reading this, call this number and just do whatever prank call you want. ****1-860-922-7348****. His name is Travis and he deserves whatever you could possibly say to him. THANK YOU!!!!! **

**If you ARE this Travis, because you recognize your number, I BLAME BRIDGET. AND YOU FOR GIVING HER YOUR NUMBER. And, I'd like to give Eric a "well done" on the gay Jewish porn. **

**Anyone else, just ignore that.**


	29. Kimimareo and Tayuyaet

**EE- Oh my God, I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry I have been totally, undeniably slacking! BUT, I am now updating and **_**GUESS WHAT!?!**_

**It's another parody! Pfft, what am I saying technically all the chapters in this story ARE parodies. I know, I had to do a report on it. Okay, I love parody, I mean, it's not like I can write anything else! TT But that report was just pointless. Okay, sorry, away from that I hate projects UNLESS I get to write a funny story with it. But that's not really what school's about. I herby DECLARE WAR ON THE HUMAN RACE!!!!!!! But not you guys. I love you guys!**

_Kimimareo and Tayuyaet…_

Tayuya was playing video games in her room one eveningwhen she heard a knock on the window. She got up and walked out to her balcony. **(EE- Sheesh, I wish **_**I **_**had a freaking balcony! So unfair…) **There was her love, Kimimaro.

"Yo, Tayuya, I got some weed we can bum!" he yelled holding up "The Baggie of Suspicion."

Tayuya then spoke, "O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, _NOW GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY WINDOW!!!!!_."

"Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?" Kimimaro asked, aside, "You must be tripping, you need more angel dust!"

"'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What's Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor any other part Belonging to a man. O, be some other name! What's in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet; So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd, Retain that dear perfection which he owes Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself." Tayuya said.

"Yep, you're diffidently high." Kimimaro reasoned.

Then, since she accidentally overdosed, she sort of died. But what Kimimaro _didn't _know was that she was just knocked out for a while.

He got so depressed so he just ran over to Neji's, stole a machine gun, and shot himself.


End file.
